Its so ugly its beautiful. That's the best I can describe it... when I think of the 80's and pretty pastels, empty warehouses and streets, palm trees and baby cacti... the iconic 'Can't Buy Me Love'. However I'm just lonely in this bubble of fake civilization. I'm a repeating box of messes and problems, and I have no escape except for being stoned.
It was the middle of the night. Driving around in his car. Too bad it wasn't a convertible, that would be cool. It was winter so the heat was on in the car. I miss him. I want nothing more but to yell at him and scream questions in his face. “Why wont you just fucking let me in? What are you so scared of?” but I keep my mouth shut because I know just what it would lead to. A confrontation I didn't want, yet another night of self repent and sobbing because I cant have him, and just an unnecessary argument. Once I'd snuck back inside I took my changed clothes and fell fast asleep. Not long after that did the crying start. Quickly though, I was asleep and dreaming yet again of what could be. Why and how is it that this creature of habit van preform such a spell on my restrained mind? No one before has seemed to have this, and I don't even know what to call it. …show more content…
just 13 days after his birthday. God has truly found my weakness and is angered with me. Surely it has to be anger, because the torture I feel every time he is put in front of me again and dangled in front of my face, proves to be anger. Maybe he knows how it makes me feel knowing I cant have him. Because its happened just far too many times for it to just be a repetition of my stupidity. Of course my choices are involved in it, but I just physically, emotionally, and mentally cannot say no.. its like dangling candy in front of a child and pulling it away just as they take the wrapper off. Or handing money to a family of poverty and having it stolen right as they purchase food for their starving children. Its
It was the middle of the night. Driving around in his car. Too bad it wasn't a convertible, that would be cool. It was winter so the heat was on in the car. I miss him. I want nothing more but to yell at him and scream questions in his face. “Why wont you just fucking let me in? What are you so scared of?” but I keep my mouth shut because I know just what it would lead to. A confrontation I didn't want, yet another night of self repent and sobbing because I cant have him, and just an unnecessary argument. Once I'd snuck back inside I took my changed clothes and fell fast asleep. Not long after that did the crying start. Quickly though, I was asleep and dreaming yet again of what could be. Why and how is it that this creature of habit van preform such a spell on my restrained mind? No one before has seemed to have this, and I don't even know what to call it. …show more content…
just 13 days after his birthday. God has truly found my weakness and is angered with me. Surely it has to be anger, because the torture I feel every time he is put in front of me again and dangled in front of my face, proves to be anger. Maybe he knows how it makes me feel knowing I cant have him. Because its happened just far too many times for it to just be a repetition of my stupidity. Of course my choices are involved in it, but I just physically, emotionally, and mentally cannot say no.. its like dangling candy in front of a child and pulling it away just as they take the wrapper off. Or handing money to a family of poverty and having it stolen right as they purchase food for their starving children. Its