But What Do You Mean By Deborah Tannen Summary

Communicating is an essential component to human life, without conversations life would be full of unknowns. Some conversations are awkward, others are tense, and some are full of happiness and commitment. During “But What Do You Mean” by Deborah Tannen, the author approaches the subject of why men and women have trouble with conversing in the workplace. Tannen uses seven different categories to classify communication problems between men and women that not only apply in the workplace but as well as everyday life. There are two people that come to my mind that have major communication problems and they are my mom and step-dad. My mom and step-dad are two very different people, who in my eyes do not communicate well because they have different …show more content…
He believes that he is never wrong, but always criticizes others on their mishaps or mistakes. He considers it tough love, and sometimes it is because he has good intentions but other times it is more the tough part than the love part. He becomes bothered when my mom is not as straightforward as he is about stuff, moreover Tannen points out that “women use more softeners” which is what my mom does (Tannen 381). Men tend not to use softeners and would rather get to the point even if it seems harsh, exactly like my step-father. Over the years my mom has come accustomed to my step-dad’s criticism, but at first it was foreign to her and it would upset her very easily. Tannen states, “Those who are used to ways of talking that soften the impact of criticism may find it hard to deal with the right-between-the-eyes style” (Tannen 381). An example to support Tannen’s classification is when my step-father asked my mother if his outfit matched for an important event one time and rather than her saying no she softened it by saying maybe you should change shoes. My step-dad was upset because he wanted her full opinion about the outfit, and instead of telling him it looked bad she said something about his