Boundary Violations
The process of creating a true relationship requires setting boundaries. In order to avoid losing ourselves, or because we fear losing or upsetting our loved one, we often over commit to rigid boundaries or fail to have them at all. Which explains why some relationships are in a constant boundary dance that swings between doormat and narcissistic syndromes.
The doormat is always accommodating, ever flexible and always nice. They are the self-sacrificing loser in most conflicts and usually the self-righteous victim. They often absorb and “carry” the feelings, opinions or behaviors of others, walking around on eggshells to avoid a conflict. They are often unaware that this is a boundary violation or that they are even doing so.
They can be highly reactive in response to whatever is going on around them demonstrating severe mood swings in this constant state of flux, and be easily distracted. Being unaware of their own boundaries, they are also unaware of others’.
They do not take being told no, constructive criticism or feedback without personalizing it and their self esteem suffering. …show more content…
I think this is what distinguishes between healthy boundaries and manipulative relationships. Healthy boundaries, once set, determine the outcome. Where as trying to control the outcome is a form of manipulation. There is great freedom in letting go of what is not ours to deal with.
Now it’s your turn. I have attached a boundary checklist for you. As always we would love to hear what your thoughts are and if you found the boundary checklist useful. Stay tuned next week we will discuss what healthy boundaries are and how to reset your boundaries.
“Every woman that finally figured out her worth, has picked up her suitcases of pride and boarded a flight to freedom, which landed in the valley of change.”
― Shannon L.
The process of creating a true relationship requires setting boundaries. In order to avoid losing ourselves, or because we fear losing or upsetting our loved one, we often over commit to rigid boundaries or fail to have them at all. Which explains why some relationships are in a constant boundary dance that swings between doormat and narcissistic syndromes.
The doormat is always accommodating, ever flexible and always nice. They are the self-sacrificing loser in most conflicts and usually the self-righteous victim. They often absorb and “carry” the feelings, opinions or behaviors of others, walking around on eggshells to avoid a conflict. They are often unaware that this is a boundary violation or that they are even doing so.
They can be highly reactive in response to whatever is going on around them demonstrating severe mood swings in this constant state of flux, and be easily distracted. Being unaware of their own boundaries, they are also unaware of others’.
They do not take being told no, constructive criticism or feedback without personalizing it and their self esteem suffering. …show more content…
I think this is what distinguishes between healthy boundaries and manipulative relationships. Healthy boundaries, once set, determine the outcome. Where as trying to control the outcome is a form of manipulation. There is great freedom in letting go of what is not ours to deal with.
Now it’s your turn. I have attached a boundary checklist for you. As always we would love to hear what your thoughts are and if you found the boundary checklist useful. Stay tuned next week we will discuss what healthy boundaries are and how to reset your boundaries.
“Every woman that finally figured out her worth, has picked up her suitcases of pride and boarded a flight to freedom, which landed in the valley of change.”
― Shannon L.