THE HYBRID is a sci-fi thriller with a solid concept. The idea of a young child disappearing and his desperate father fearing that aliens abducted him is a very appealing premise. The concept easily hooks the audience.
While there’s a lot to really like about the premise, overall the script would benefit from more development. The story begins well. The first 13 pages are engaging. There’s a solid inciting event when the young boy, Micah, goes missing. The audience is emotionally invested in the child and finding him. The goal is clear and the stakes feel high. In addition, the slow realization that the protagonist makes that aliens may have taken Micah and may be back for his other son nicely elevates the stakes. The audience remains hooks.
Unfortunately, however, as the story progresses, the pace becomes sluggish and the plot becomes more convoluted to follow. The structure is overly “talkative” and too many concepts, such as “succession” and “the change” are introduced. They tend to confuse the audience more than clarify the plot.
First, regarding the structure and pace. This is a story that would benefit from being streamlined. There are scenes that feel long and feel non-essential. For example, the support group scene feels a bit too long and too many characters are introduced in the group. There’s a scene in which Jenna …show more content…
For example, on page 8 Don being transfixed can be more visual as it’s not clear how the audience will understand that he’s transfixed. Saying that Jake is bothered and can’t put his finger on it has to be more visual. Remember. the audience can only see what’s on the screen and they can only hear what’s in dialogue. The audience can’t see the descriptions. On page 14, avoid explaining how they have felt guilty. There’s no way for the viewing audience to understand this. Finally, overall the narrative descriptions should be more concise and leaner. They tend to impede the
While there’s a lot to really like about the premise, overall the script would benefit from more development. The story begins well. The first 13 pages are engaging. There’s a solid inciting event when the young boy, Micah, goes missing. The audience is emotionally invested in the child and finding him. The goal is clear and the stakes feel high. In addition, the slow realization that the protagonist makes that aliens may have taken Micah and may be back for his other son nicely elevates the stakes. The audience remains hooks.
Unfortunately, however, as the story progresses, the pace becomes sluggish and the plot becomes more convoluted to follow. The structure is overly “talkative” and too many concepts, such as “succession” and “the change” are introduced. They tend to confuse the audience more than clarify the plot.
First, regarding the structure and pace. This is a story that would benefit from being streamlined. There are scenes that feel long and feel non-essential. For example, the support group scene feels a bit too long and too many characters are introduced in the group. There’s a scene in which Jenna …show more content…
For example, on page 8 Don being transfixed can be more visual as it’s not clear how the audience will understand that he’s transfixed. Saying that Jake is bothered and can’t put his finger on it has to be more visual. Remember. the audience can only see what’s on the screen and they can only hear what’s in dialogue. The audience can’t see the descriptions. On page 14, avoid explaining how they have felt guilty. There’s no way for the viewing audience to understand this. Finally, overall the narrative descriptions should be more concise and leaner. They tend to impede the