1) I would say that your paper overall is a well-developed rough draft. The only thing that I would suggest is to add another body paragraph, so that you can further analysis, and how the crime, trial, and society are connected to one another. For example, connecting how society during this time related to the reason that the outcome of the trial was what it was.
2) Thesis – “The events that took place in the trial 3073, which include crimes of robbery, assault and grand larceny show that the creation of the prohibition in turn gave another platform for crime to continue, and even expand, and also shows that society plays its own role in it.”
3) Your thesis is fine, but one way in which you could make it stronger is by re-wording it to have a stronger impact on the reader. For example, The events that took place in trial 3073, which included crimes such as robbery, assault, …show more content…
For example, The crimes that were caused do to prohibition, and the effects that it had on society as a whole, is not as clear as it seems.
8) The topic sentence that needs the most improvement is, “To briefly summarize crime that took place in trial 3073, a seemingly wealthy man named James Lowney was a gambler and bricklayer part of a social club (speakeasy?) that he regularly attends.”.
9) In order to improve your weakest topic sentence (included in point 8) you should re-write it, and this time do not include “To briefly summarize”. Your reader will be able to tell that you are summarizing just by reading the paragraph.
10) You provided adequate information from your transcript.
11) Throughout your paper you also thoroughly provided analysis of the transcript, and
2) Thesis – “The events that took place in the trial 3073, which include crimes of robbery, assault and grand larceny show that the creation of the prohibition in turn gave another platform for crime to continue, and even expand, and also shows that society plays its own role in it.”
3) Your thesis is fine, but one way in which you could make it stronger is by re-wording it to have a stronger impact on the reader. For example, The events that took place in trial 3073, which included crimes such as robbery, assault, …show more content…
For example, The crimes that were caused do to prohibition, and the effects that it had on society as a whole, is not as clear as it seems.
8) The topic sentence that needs the most improvement is, “To briefly summarize crime that took place in trial 3073, a seemingly wealthy man named James Lowney was a gambler and bricklayer part of a social club (speakeasy?) that he regularly attends.”.
9) In order to improve your weakest topic sentence (included in point 8) you should re-write it, and this time do not include “To briefly summarize”. Your reader will be able to tell that you are summarizing just by reading the paragraph.
10) You provided adequate information from your transcript.
11) Throughout your paper you also thoroughly provided analysis of the transcript, and