DRIFTED is crime-thriller drama within a sci-fi time travel plot. The idea is very creative and imaginative. The story contains solid themes about fate, destiny, second chances and making the right life choices.
There’s a lot to like about the script, but at the same time, the plot is very challenging to follow and it lacks clarification. Thus, the script would benefit from further development.
First, the story begins well. The idea that a small time crook can see pieces of the future is exciting. It gives the hero strong inner conflict. The idea of him being forced to transport diamonds is also engaging, as well as the vision he has of his own death. The audience is hooked.
Unfortunately, as the story progresses, the plot becomes too convoluted to follow and what was well …show more content…
Streamline them to only the most important and relevant flashes. For example, on page 11, it doesn’t seem that there’s a need to have a “as seen in flash” moment when James pulls out the gym membership card. This doesn’t feel important or relevant. It’s distracting. On the other hand, James seeing a stack of cash and diamonds is relevant (page 18).
The ending with the three James is challenging to follow. The note provided to help the reader implies that it’s too convoluted to follow in the first place. Remember, a producer isn’t going to look back at a note to figure out the plot and who is who. If it’s not clear on the page, then it’s too confusing. Certainly, notes can be helpful now and then if short and too the point, but reword it and cut the language: “so pay attention!”
As mentioned, the first act is set up to engage the audience with a unique crime thriller and while time travel plots are very popular, it’s challenging to combine the genres although it’s been done before (LOOPER). In this case, the midpoint shift in direction feels too abrupt and lessens the interest versus elevating
There’s a lot to like about the script, but at the same time, the plot is very challenging to follow and it lacks clarification. Thus, the script would benefit from further development.
First, the story begins well. The idea that a small time crook can see pieces of the future is exciting. It gives the hero strong inner conflict. The idea of him being forced to transport diamonds is also engaging, as well as the vision he has of his own death. The audience is hooked.
Unfortunately, as the story progresses, the plot becomes too convoluted to follow and what was well …show more content…
Streamline them to only the most important and relevant flashes. For example, on page 11, it doesn’t seem that there’s a need to have a “as seen in flash” moment when James pulls out the gym membership card. This doesn’t feel important or relevant. It’s distracting. On the other hand, James seeing a stack of cash and diamonds is relevant (page 18).
The ending with the three James is challenging to follow. The note provided to help the reader implies that it’s too convoluted to follow in the first place. Remember, a producer isn’t going to look back at a note to figure out the plot and who is who. If it’s not clear on the page, then it’s too confusing. Certainly, notes can be helpful now and then if short and too the point, but reword it and cut the language: “so pay attention!”
As mentioned, the first act is set up to engage the audience with a unique crime thriller and while time travel plots are very popular, it’s challenging to combine the genres although it’s been done before (LOOPER). In this case, the midpoint shift in direction feels too abrupt and lessens the interest versus elevating