1. Lines from this portion of my story work such as, “Terry sat upon the porcelain god, reading a Science Daily magazine” and “Then in an unseen instant – the roof popped and cracked in a blaze of glory as everything went up into a cloud of sizzling smolder.” – These lines work because they focus in on the comedic tone that I was looking to convey through the story and they show rather than tell. I think that more lines like this could make the story feel more natural.
2. In this portion of the story, I feel as if a lot of details are delivered that paint an image of who Terry is, however, nothing is focused on long enough to give the reader a complete image of who the character really is. I think that the topic of, “a simple life” can be …show more content…
I like the poetic language I use in this section, but in the end, I think it distracts from the simplistic tone and comedic qualities I had hoped to put into my story. As I rewrite this story, lines like this will be hard to toss out since I like them so much, but I’m more concerned with writing a story that feels natural and conveys a message and isn’t cluttered with unnecessary language.
5. In this segment of my story I need to focus more on showing rather than summarizing. In the portion of the story prior to this one, I wrote about a story regarding squirrels dying that Terry tells the narrator – I think that adding something similar to that and expanding on it, will add to the depth of the story and will continue to make the characters feel more thought out and realistic.
6. This portion of the story makes me think about some of Hannah’s comments concerning what is seen in the story and what is summarized, as well as how I could include more dialogue as a way to reveal who the characters really are and push the narrative forward, “Something I think you could improve on is the ratio between what is seen and what is summary in the story” (Hannah) – this helps because in this portion of the story, I start to reveal how Terry talks and sounds in a more natural way then when he is speaking to the father. And I think that by adding more dialogue, this scene will become more interesting and showcase more of what I want the message of my story to accomplish (which is that family …show more content…
In Colby’s letter to me, he pointed out that my flashbacks were nicely crafted and that the physically and emotional mood of the story were properly conveyed. And in segments like this, I appreciate this sort of feedback, but I also see that I’ve set up fragments of a story that could be better – in scenes like this, instead of talking about the narrator packing and getting a phone call, maybe showing the dispute go down between the father and the real estate broker would be more interesting.
8. Several of the letters I received, addressed the topic of “god’s country” – and in short, I think that expanding on this topic via the fathers dialogue and through more character description would work well. I wanted the father to be an overly conservative, gun shooting, cowboy hat wearing American, but I don’t think I painted this image as well as I could – more revisions to this section will hopefully advance the central plot of the story forward.
9. I wanted this portion of the story to be amusing, however, I need to spend more time discussing the actual impact it had on Terry and the narrator’s relationship in order to show how the fathers light sentence pales in comparison to the emotional impact the cancelation of the trip has on the
2. In this portion of the story, I feel as if a lot of details are delivered that paint an image of who Terry is, however, nothing is focused on long enough to give the reader a complete image of who the character really is. I think that the topic of, “a simple life” can be …show more content…
I like the poetic language I use in this section, but in the end, I think it distracts from the simplistic tone and comedic qualities I had hoped to put into my story. As I rewrite this story, lines like this will be hard to toss out since I like them so much, but I’m more concerned with writing a story that feels natural and conveys a message and isn’t cluttered with unnecessary language.
5. In this segment of my story I need to focus more on showing rather than summarizing. In the portion of the story prior to this one, I wrote about a story regarding squirrels dying that Terry tells the narrator – I think that adding something similar to that and expanding on it, will add to the depth of the story and will continue to make the characters feel more thought out and realistic.
6. This portion of the story makes me think about some of Hannah’s comments concerning what is seen in the story and what is summarized, as well as how I could include more dialogue as a way to reveal who the characters really are and push the narrative forward, “Something I think you could improve on is the ratio between what is seen and what is summary in the story” (Hannah) – this helps because in this portion of the story, I start to reveal how Terry talks and sounds in a more natural way then when he is speaking to the father. And I think that by adding more dialogue, this scene will become more interesting and showcase more of what I want the message of my story to accomplish (which is that family …show more content…
In Colby’s letter to me, he pointed out that my flashbacks were nicely crafted and that the physically and emotional mood of the story were properly conveyed. And in segments like this, I appreciate this sort of feedback, but I also see that I’ve set up fragments of a story that could be better – in scenes like this, instead of talking about the narrator packing and getting a phone call, maybe showing the dispute go down between the father and the real estate broker would be more interesting.
8. Several of the letters I received, addressed the topic of “god’s country” – and in short, I think that expanding on this topic via the fathers dialogue and through more character description would work well. I wanted the father to be an overly conservative, gun shooting, cowboy hat wearing American, but I don’t think I painted this image as well as I could – more revisions to this section will hopefully advance the central plot of the story forward.
9. I wanted this portion of the story to be amusing, however, I need to spend more time discussing the actual impact it had on Terry and the narrator’s relationship in order to show how the fathers light sentence pales in comparison to the emotional impact the cancelation of the trip has on the