Normalcy: A Short Story

Amazing Essays
No one fits into any rigid mold of normalcy. I think a lot of us walk around thinking other people feel okay, or normal, but they don’t. Trying to fit into whatever ideas we each have of what’s normal or not is uncomfortable and unnatural. Still, it’s one thing to know this on an intellectual level and another thing entirely to internalize it on an emotional level. It’s hard not to want what we think everyone else has, even if, intellectually, we know it’s a mirage.
I’m mostly okay with who I am. I’m a little strange, maybe, but so is everyone. The people I know who look the most common on the surface are the most delightfully bizarre when you scratch that veneer off. For the most part, I know who I am. I’m little w weird – weird in hobby and lifestyle because of the bits of my life I choose. But every once in a while I’ll get swept up by the big fat dream of American-middle aged normalcy, and last summer I tried to buy a house. It began with picking up a flyer and ended with me curled up in bed messaging my mom that I was always gonna by the white trash junkie from the trailer park, asking my 24-year-old girlfriends why the fuck I even bother. I got swept up in it.

I’ve never lived in home owned by anyone I knew. In childhood we moved from house to trailer to
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I like the movement, the flexibility, but I also know that the man who owns my home can boot me out at any time without any reason. I live in a quickly gentrifying neighborhood, and most of the property owners are selling their rentals to people looking to flip the houses or to developers looking to raze them. My rent has gone up 30% in the past three years. I got priced out of Denver and Los Angeles. The tiny little apartment where I lived alone for the first time is now renting for 1600 a month. I paid 375. I was, and I remain, terrified of being priced out of the little city that I’ve come to call home. This fear fueled my obsession, but it wasn’t the backbone of

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