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10 Cards in this Set

  • Front
  • Back
1
-Browse the crowd
-Wow! Honestly you guys are the best looking crowd I have EVER performed in front of. Honestly.
-BTW you are also the FIRST crowd I've ever performed in front of so looks like you guys win by default
2
So, doing this for the 1st time is like the 1st day of school:
Exciting, Fun & im probably going to piss my pants......I remember that day well as if it were just a few years ago
3
So I went back to school just a few years ago, a little late in life. I'd put it off for years to explore the world, which incidentally, looks ALOT like a dive bar in <city> But I only made it as far as oklahoma and california, which im rather surprised I was never discovered back then considering I live 3 glorious years in oklahoma
4
But despite being a decade older than my classmates, persevered for 6 long, arduous years taking night classes while working full time, ALAS my hardwork had finally paid off. At 33 years old, I finally graduated college w/ a degree in business mgmt. Time to make the big bucks. So armed w/ years of IT experience and a bachelors degree, I figured out the most logical move.
-Quit my job and become a comic!!
5
Oh my parents are so very proud! The same way Casey Anthony's parents are proud................................
- Nah im not that retarded, I got another job.
- I got a degree now remember....AND a wife.....who made me
6
but in the real world where I actually get paid in money & not fruit striped gum, I work w/ computers, which is possibly the most frustrating job on the planet. Not cuz of technology though, cuz people are idiots!
-For example: This lady kept calling me up last week telling me that her computer is frozen, I finally replied to her "put a sweater on it and place it near the heater" - Case closed!
7
I cant escape it either away from the office is much worse. . My mom, whom I love very much, is not what you'd call "computer savvy"
She calls me up last weekend
- Mom "Mike, I cant get onto the wireless again and I really need to print something important"
Me -" ok, how far from the network are you?"
Ma -"I dont know exactly Mike, im at foxwoods, how far is that?"
-<tap mic on head>
-Me "Thats like 90 miles so about 89.9999999 miles outta range"
-Ma "So can I print?"
8
The internet tho, as long as you can figure out how to get on it, is amazing!
-you can talk to people from a distance; share information; send documents & most importantly send pictures *wink wink*.
-Can google the fuck outta anyone & anything, only problem is google acts too much like my wife. constantly offering suggestions before I can even finish my friggin sentences!!!
-Stalkers are loving the internet! Def. made their job easier. Who needs to hide up in a tree w/ binoculars when theres facebook?
-Hey next time you post ya pictures from partying out on the town, tag me cuz im probably in it!! *creeper*
9
-And 4square!? you're crazy if you use that stalker app!! I wouldnt be caught dead using it!
-Dont look but im already checked-in to the Middle East! sshh
-Seriously, last thing I need is Capital One knowing I checked-in to the Garden to catch a Celts game after skipping a few payments then checking my facebook to see that I chose beers & foam fingers over my past due amount!!
-NO THANK YOU
10
Online isnt THAT bad though, Hell I met my wife online..................................
-The Orange line
-Yes true love MBTA style. Our eyes caught each others staring across a train-er-tainer hustlin for some cash. Pure Romance I tell ya!!
-So of course whats the first thing I do when I get home though? Look her up on facebook and poke her!!!