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96 Cards in this Set
- Front
- Back
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1. Start.
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Your attention please. There is one ticket left. I repeat, there is on ticket remaining. It will be distributed on a first come first serve basis. Thank you.
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2. That ticket is mine!
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No it's not!
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3. I was here first!
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Liar. I got here first.
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4. Go away
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No!
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5. You're in my way.
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I know you are but what am I?
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6. I beg your pardon?
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Ew! Listen to you talk Mrs.High Society.
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7. Great heavens. You're acting like a child!
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Same to you. Stuck like glue. You are ugly and smell like p-yew
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8. Do your parents know you're out of the house?
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Oh, ha, ha. You're so funny I forgot to laugh.
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9. Your wittiness astounds me. Would you please get out of my way and allow me to get that ticket that is rightfully mine?
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"Rightfully yours?" I don't see your name on any signs around here.
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10. You heard the announcement. The first person here gets the ticket.
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I was the first person here.
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11. My Dear. I'm terribly sorry, but I was the first in line.
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No, I was.
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12. I was.
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No, I was.
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13. Intro
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Hey, do you remember when we were younger and we would always play games with other kids, wether we knew them or not?
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14. Yea, I sure do remembers those times. I sure miss them.
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I wish we could still play games.
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14. Same. Although now with work, bills, government issues and side events, there is practically no time for games.
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I wonder how people would react if a total stranger tried to play a game with them.
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16. I don't know. Let's take a look at Mindy and Margaret in...
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Rock, Paper, Scissors, Bomb.
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17. Look sweetheart. (Takes bill out of purse) here's a fifty dollar bill. How about you go but something really nice with it.
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Fifty bucks? Who do you think you are?
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18. How about a hundred. (Pulls more money out of purse)
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I wouldn't sell out for a thousand.
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19. How about two hundred. Someone else will take the ticket if we don't work this out.
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Right. So move.
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20. My dear, we must compromise-
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If you were here first, how come you're trying to bribe me?
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21. I'm taking the high road. Two hundred dollars. What do you say?
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No deal I was hear on second before you.
(Start looking around) |
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22. Millisecond? How utterly absurd. Whatever are you doing?
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Looking for a surveillance camera.
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23. A what?
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One of those cameras that records everything. It'll have a tape of both of us coming up and we an replay it. Like when there's a close horse race.
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24. How gauche.
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Whatever. Anyways, it'll show I was here first, even if by a millisecond. Have you seen a close finish at a horse race?
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25. I'm afraid I don't race horses, my dear.
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They slow the action down real slow, and the winning horse stretches out his neck-
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26. And heaven knows your neck is longer than mine. Haha so I thought perhaps-
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Say that again.
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27. Perhaps we compromise by-
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No the thing about the neck.
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28. Oh, that. Forget it.
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You said mine was longer than yours.
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It's just-
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Hey! I know when somebody's making fun of me. I'm not going to just stand here a let you insult me.
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Good. So go home.
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(Takes out cell)
I'm calling the police. |
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31. I beg your pardon?
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You heard me Cruella. First you cut in line. Then you try to take what's not yours. And now you're verbally assaulting me.
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32. Because I said you had a long neck?
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You did it again!
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Please calm down.
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(On cell)
Police? Yes. Homicide division, please. |
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34. Homicide?
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You're a potential threat. I feel like you could pull out a gun out of your purse and try to murder me at any moment.
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35. You're insane!
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Don't you raise our voice at me!
(Into phone) Help! Help! |
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I'm not raising my voice.
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You nearly hit me!
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Oh, for heavens sake!
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(Into phone)
Hello? Hello? Yes, officer. This is an emergency. What? No. There hasn't been a murder yet. It's an attempted murder in progress. |
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38. This is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard!
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(Into phone)
Yes, the potential murderer is right here. You want to talk with her? |
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What?
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(Offering phone)
Here. Take it. |
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I'm not going to-
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(Into phone)
She says she's not talking to you. (To Margaret) He says he'll have to come down here. (Into phone) Right. We're at Broadway and Vine |
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41. Surely your joking!
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(Into phone)
She's threatened me... |
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42. I never threatened you!
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And tried to hit me.
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43. I'm about to hit you.
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See! She did it again! Can I make a citizens arrest?
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44. (Outraged)
Give me that phone! |
Huh?
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45. I must put a stop to this nonsense this instant.
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(Into phone)
Oh. Now she wants to talk... |
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46. Give me that phone! Hello, officer look. We're both in line to get tickets and this woman is absolutely crazy! I didn't do anything to her and I never threatened to do anything to her and she's- hello? Hello? Is anybody- you filthy liar..
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(Gets ticket and comes back)
I got the ticket didn't I? |
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47. Give me that ticket this instant.
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Possession is nine tenths of the law, and I posses this ticket. Sorry Brunhilde.
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48. You say the most hurtful things. My name isn't Brunhilde. My name is Mrs. Margaret Worthington-Smythe. Mrs. Worthington-Smythe, to you.
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You've got to be joking.
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49. Now give me that ticket.
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Sorry.
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50. ( thinking)
Well. All right then. You keep the ticket. |
Thanks!
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51. And I'll keep the phone it loos like a nice phone
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Wait a minute!
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52. It looks like a nice phone, too. Expensive. It probably cost more than that horrid outfit you're wearing from.... Where would it be? Wal-Mart perhaps?
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You give that back.
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53. I suppose I could make a call or two, as long as have it. Perhaps I'll dial Europe.
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Give it back. Now! Give it back to me now!
(Pause) All right. We'll do this fair and square. |
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54. Very good. I suppose we can-
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What do you think, knives?
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55. What?
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Pistols at twenty paces?
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56. Don't be absurd.
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True. We don't have guns. How about we fight to the death using whatever weapons we find on the ground?
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57. You are a most disturbed individual.
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Whatever. I'm not letting you take that phone without a fight.
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58. And I'm not letting you take that ticket.
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So we've got to fight.
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59. How vulgar.
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I've got an idea. How about we play Rock Paper Scissors?
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60. We hit each other with rocks and scissors?
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No. The game we used to play when you were a kid. You know? You had to of been a kid once. You couldn't have been born this way.
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61. Whatever do you mean?
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Forget it. Rock Paper Scissors. Paper covers rock. Scissors cuts paper. Rock crushes scissors.
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62. And this is helpful, how?
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We decide who gets the ticket with Rock Paper Scissors an the winner takes the ticket. And I get my phone back. And we call it even.
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Three hundred.
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What's the matter, afraid of a little competition?
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64. Well I...... (Sigh) Very well. How does one play this game?
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I don't know how ONE plays it. But this is how we play it. Make a fist. Now, chop with the fist. Like this. Okay. Choose rock paper or scissor on three. Ready? One. Two. Three.
(Choose paper) |
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65. (Scissors) Oh. I win!
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The first one. Best two out of three
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66. But you didn't say-
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(Snarling) Two out of three!!!
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67. All right! That's a great idea! Just don't hurt me.
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Your turn to count.
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68. Umm...
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You know how to count, don't you?
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69. Oh, all right. One. Two. Three. (Scissors)
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(Rock) Oh! I win! (Slugs Margaret's hand)
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70. Ow! And I suppose that was my penalty?
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Right.
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71. But I didn't get to penalize you.
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You missed your chance.
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72. I don't know I could.
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Ignorance is no excuse. Sorry. Okay, just one more time. For the ticket.
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73. One more time. Alright.
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You count.
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74. Yes. Okay. One. Two. Three. (Paper)
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(Rock with thumb up)
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75. Ah! Paper covers rock! I win!
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I'm not a rock. I'm a bomb.
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76. I beg your pardon?
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A bomb. See? My thumbs the fuse.
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77. You can't be a bomb? We're playing Rock Paper Scissors.
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It's advanced Rock Paper Scissors. And a bomb blows up the paper.
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78. A bomb blows up everything. I can't beat a bomb.
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Sure you an. Scissors could cut the fuse. Sorry, ignorance is no excuse-
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79. Oh, for goodness sake, this is absurd! You win. You win. Take your stupid ticket. I don't even want it anymore. I hope you're happy.
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Wait. Where are you going?
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80. I'm going home.
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How come?
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81. Because I have lost. You have the ticket. I have no reason to stay here any longer.
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Oh, yeah. The ticket. I forgot. Here you go.
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82. You don't want it?
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I don't even know what the ticket is to. I just thought it would be fun to play a game with you.
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83. WHAT? This was all a game?
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Just think. I bet it's been years since you've played a really good game like that, huh?
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84. Years.
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What's the ticket to?
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85. We don't end our sentences with propositions, darling. We... Oh bother. Forget it. It's a ticket to tonight's opera.
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Oh. That sucks. I wouldn't have wanted that anyway.
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86. No.
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Can I have my phone back?
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87. Here. (Hands it over)
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Can I have the money you offered too?
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88. Whatever for? You didn't-
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I might want to go to the opera.
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89. Here. Here's a hundred.
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You offered two.
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90. Here's two. Take three. That's all the cash I have.
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Thanks! Oh, by the way. Here's your money.
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What is I now?
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That was fun, too. Do you know any other games?
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92. Great heavens! You're insane!
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Oooh, that's a great game! I'll be crazy and I'll pretend I'm chasing you!
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93. Please! Leave me alone
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Oh yea! That's good!
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94. Help! Help!
(Turns back to audience) |
Wait! Come back!
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95.
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Ladies and gentleman. We have found one remaining ticket. I repeat. There is one ticket left and it will be distributed on a first come first serve basis. Thank you.
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(Turns back to audience as Different character) wait a minute! I've got to have that ticket!
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Do you want to play a game?
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