Relationships And Intimacy

Front 1

Parent:

Back 1

The taught
Recording of external events

Front 2

Critical Parent

Back 2

Over controlling, impossible demans, overly strict

Front 3

Nurturing Parent

Back 3

Appreciative, supportive, resonable requests made, focus on the positive

Front 4

Child

Back 4

The feld
Recording of internal feelings

Front 5

Not ok Child

Back 5

Remembered feelings from critical parent. feels helpless, picked on, rejected, guilty, bad and unloved

Front 6

Natural Child

Back 6

Born with freedom to respond and express themselves, playfulness, creativity and impulsiveness

Front 7

Adult

Back 7

The thought
-emergent patterns of thought that develops to moderate the parent and the child

Front 8

Interaction with egos

Back 8

type 1-complimentary egos
type 2-different egos, communicate to other individuals ego
Crossed Transactions-Communicate different egos.

Front 9

Variables of Self concept

Back 9

Significance-how we view others feelings towards us and value

Competence-how well we carry out important tasks

Virtue-how we abide by standards, morals, values

Power-Our power to influence our lives and others

Front 10

The order of Stages of Social Penetration

Back 10

Orientation
Exploratory affective exchange stage
Affective exchange stage
Stable exchange stage

Front 11

Orientation phase

Back 11

informal exchange of superficial information. cautious and tentative to tone

Front 12

Exploratory affective exchange stage

Back 12

most common daily interaction, with aquaintances and neighbors. Peripheral.

Front 13

Affective exchange stage

Back 13

more personal, tell feelings to other person

Front 14

Stable Exchange Stage

Back 14

Rare, most personal. Can predict others behavior and reactions.

Front 15

Different games with partners

Back 15

Endurance test-instead of talking, sit back and watch how they respond

Triangle Test-Watch how your partner reacts to a rival of the relationship

Separation Test:When you distance yourself in some way from that person, and see how they handle it

Front 16

Roles in families by chemical dependance concepts

Back 16

Codependant-one who contribute to dependent person

Scapegoat-problem child. blames. becomes functionable in family, fears confront the truth

Hero-can do no wrong, family elevates them, escapes disfunction of family.

Mascot-Clown, not taken seriously, fun, lightens mood.

Lost Child-Not seen, forgotten

Front 17

Adlers Theory of Birth Order

Back 17

1-identify with the dominant parent
2-left with remaining parent
3-looks at relationships with parents and other children
4-Looks at family as a whole

Front 18

Characteristics of adult friendships

Back 18

-close in proximity
-friends in diff parts of lives
-similar values,beliefs,hobbies
-no clear beginning or ending

Front 19

Charecteristics of male and female relationships

Back 19

Male
-not emotional
-no face to face communication
-doesnt have bff
-more active
-expects and shares less

Female
-face to face communication
-more emotional, share and expect more
-reward for appearance
-less loyal, caddy

Front 20

Total Listening

Back 20

eye contact, lean forward, nodd and paraphrase, clarify by asking questions, be committed

Front 21

Pseudo Listening-

Back 21

Not real, intention not to listen but for some other need such as
-people may think your listening so they like you
-buy time to prepare next comment
-1/2 listen so someone will listen to you

Front 22

Passive,AgressiveAssertivenesss

Back 22

Passive-Will not show emotion, i hurt people when i do, lack respect for self

Agressive-Too direct. tend to hurt others feelings. Can be abusive, too intense, steps on peoples toes, lacks respect for others

Assertive-Has respect for self and others. direct. stands up for self but takes into account others feelings.
3 parts:
-gives own perspective
-shares feelings about situation
-expresses wants and desires
-expresses

Front 23

Blaming,taming,saming,naming

Back 23

Blaming-blames other person
taming-they are more exciting
saming-ive been there, agree
naming-good listening,paraphrasing.

Front 24

male and female cultural characteristics

Back 24

male
-seek status
-prefer independence
-yearn for space
-want respect
-stick to business
-Dont ask for help,advice
-gives advice, wants to solve problems

Females
-seeks connection
-prefer interdependence
-decide by consensus
-gives empathy and sympathy
-wants to understand problems
-asks for help and advice

Front 25

Stages of relationships

Back 25

Attraction-intial meeting, think other is perfcet, utilize strengths

Power struggle-look at only weaknesses and differences, break up point

stability/cooperation-give up on differences. realize cant change them. accept both difference and similarities

synergy/cocreation-accept and make differences work. love one another unconditionaly. utilize differences and similarities

Front 26

Creative tension

Back 26

between individuality and togetherness. the I and the WE . well what about me ? well what about us?

Front 27

Unfair fighting and the 3 assumptions

Back 27

Loud, disrespectful, unproductive
3 assumptions
-only one person can win
-i am right and you are wrong
-conflict is bad, avoid it at all causes

Front 28

Unfair fighting Styles

Back 28

-bad timing
-too many issues
-threats and ultimatums
-escalation-loud
-unhappy endings-no solutions
-blaming

Front 29

Fair fighting and the 3 assumptions

Back 29

frank and open discussion of differences. without shouting or violence. reaches mutual agreement to solution. sticks to one issue.

3 assumptions
-we can both win
-we are both right
-conflict is good, essential to growing in relationship

Front 30

Bowlbys 3 propositions on attachment patterns

Back 30

-confidence in attachment figures. the availability and co nsistency reduces intense or chronic fear
-the confidence or lack of develops over years of maturity (infancy,childhood, adolescence)
-attachment pattern is accurate reflection of experience

Front 31

Ainsworth 3 styles of attachment as children

Back 31

-secure:comfortable with self and loved ones.
-Avoidant: strays away from parents
-Anxious ambivalent-clingy, cry when parents leave

Front 32

Ainsworth Adult attachment styles

Back 32

Secure characteristics:
-makes money
-stronger relationship with lord
-less death anxiety
-positive self image
-cope w stress through social networks
-hooks up with other secure people

Anxious-Ambivalent
-emotional ups and downs
-jealous
-job insecurity
-makes less money
-worries
-Discloses too much too quickly
-unappreciated
-obsessive love
-lots of death anxiety
-more intense sexual passion

Avoidant:
-Low self esteem
-Makes good money
-no time for relationships-working
-fears intimacy
-pessimistic about relationship
-feels stress physically
-doesnt disclose enough

Front 33

Pursuit-Distance Dance

Back 33

-one withdraws while other comes closer-chose partners on level of comfortability with distance
-Dance over power, distance intimacy
-the seeker feels turned on-sexual,rejected,needy
-the sought feels disconnect-critical, desired, superior
-need to learn to seek and be sought, to switch roles

Front 34

leveling

Back 34

Making outside feelings expressed match internal feelings

Front 35

proxemics

Back 35

study of personal distance

Front 36

resiliance define
and factors contributing to making positive change

Back 36

ability to recover from or adjust easily to misfortune or change.

-self confident
-social competence
-better cognitive skills
-better early experiences
-take advantages of opportunities available

Front 37

Symbosis

narcissm

Back 37

cooperative relationship

-obsession of self-trying to fill holes

Front 38

a mothers symbiosis./narcissim

Back 38

-a mother with strong sense of self can let child gradually grow more distant slowly
-a mother with lacking sense of self doesnt like the childs neediness-and begins to push child away. absorbed with themselvs.

Front 39

Blocks To Listening

Back 39

Comparing-hard to listen because too busy assesing who is more this or that

Mind reader-pay less attention to words and more subtle cues to try and see through the truth

Rehearsing-no time to listen to busy crafting your next coment

Filter-pick out what you want to hear

Judge-dont need to pay attention, already judged and written them off.

Dreaming-their comment makes you think about something else.

Identity-refer every comment to your own experience

Advising-too busy giving advice, cant just listen

Sparring-quick to disagree

Being right-wont take change, criticism, wont be wrong.

Derailing-change subject (bored,akward)

Placating-agree to everything (thats just like me!)

Front 40

adler theory on birth order
1st child

Back 40

identify with dominant parent
-pampered
-lonely
-grows up fast and does for self:takes care of children
-leaders
-perfectionist

Front 41

adlers 2nd child

Back 41

-left with remaining parent
-born into rivalry
-in a race
-opposite of 1st child
-Develop competitive and rebellious talents.

Front 42

Middle Child

Back 42

-may feel left out
-give up, withdraw
-interest in justice and negotiating

Front 43

3rd/Last

Back 43

-like only child
-may develop into a boss
-seen as baby, pet, clown
-many romodels
-more opportunity for higher education