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100 Cards in this Set
- Front
- Back
- 3rd side (hint)
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Road Less Traveled |
Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason.
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Do a Job Too Well
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If you do a job too well, you'll get stuck with it. |
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Dogs & Cats
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Dogs have masters. Cats have staff.
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Management Potential
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To err is human, to blame it on somebody else shows management potential.
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Best Way to Lie
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The best way to lie is to tell the truth, carefully edited truth.
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Noah & Mosquitoes
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Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
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Party Couples
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At every party there are two kinds of people: those who want to go home and those who don't. The trouble is, they are usually married to each other.
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Experience
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Experience is that marvelous thing that enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
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Politicians & Diapers
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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common, they should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.
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Brain & Penis
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See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.
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Robin Williams
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Cause Happiness
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Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.
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Both Disappointed
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Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed.
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Albert Einstein
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Be Thought a Fool
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Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.
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Abraham Lincoln |
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Exercise Early
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I have to exercise early in the morning before my brain figures out what I'm doing.
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Double Your Money
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The quickest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it back in your pocket.
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People Who Know Everything
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People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.
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What Sucks the Most
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Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.
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Hardest Thing to Understand
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The hardest thing in the world to understand is the income tax.
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Albert Einstein
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Die Peacefully
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When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car.
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In Their Shoes
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Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes.
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Happiness' No Destination
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Remember that happiness is a way of travel, not a destination.
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A Grain of Salt
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I always take life with a grain of salt, plus a slice of lemon, and a shot of tequila.
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Women without Ambition
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Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition.
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Memory Goes
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As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two.
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How God Works
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I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
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Can't Buy Love
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Money can't buy love, but it improves your bargaining position.
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Best Friend
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A friend is someone who will bail you out of jail. A best friend is the one sitting next to you saying, "Boy was that fun!"
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The Man She Married
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Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits and then complain that he's not the man she married?
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Go to Bed Angry
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Never go to bed angry, stay awake and plot your revenge.
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I Am Right
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My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
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Both Wrong
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If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.
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A Good Hand
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Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
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Woody Allen
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The Second Mouse
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The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
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Duct Tape
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Duct tape is like the force, it has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
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Men's Emotions
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Men have two emotions: hungry and horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.
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Sex for Money
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The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for money usually costs a lot less.
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Being Punctual
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The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate it.
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Don't Let It Interfere
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Do not let what you cannot do interfere with what you can do.
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Who Agreed with Me
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I have never in my life learned anything from any man who agreed with me.
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The Facts
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If the facts don't fit the theory, change the facts.
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Albert Einstein
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Infinite Things
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Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
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Albert Einstein
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Small Minds
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Great minds discuss ideas. Average minds discuss events. Small minds discuss people.
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Two Girls
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I'm at the age where I want two girls. In case I fall asleep they will have someone to talk to.
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Build a Door
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If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.
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See & Feel
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Few are those who see with their own eyes and feel with their own hearts.
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Albert Einstein
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An Eye for An Eye
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An eye for an eye only ends up making the whole world blind.
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M.K. Gandhi
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Educated Mind
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It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it.
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Aristotle
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Imagination
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Logic will get you from A to B. Imagination will take you everywhere.
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Albert Einstein
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Beer
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Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.
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Benjamin Franklin
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Another Drink
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Everybody has to believe in something. I believe I'll have another drink.
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Run Over
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Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there.
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The Change
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You must be the change you want to see in the world.
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M.K. Gandhi
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Crazy Ones
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The ones who are crazy enough to think that they can change the world, are the ones who do.
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Steve Jobs
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Hang on
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When you come to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on.
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PEBKAC
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Problem exists between keyboard and chair.
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We See Things
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We see things not as they are, but as we are.
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To Avoid Criticism
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To avoid criticism, do nothing, say nothing, be nothing.
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Keep on Going
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Keep on going and the chances are you will stumble on something, perhaps when you are least expecting it. I have never heard of anyone stumbling on something sitting down.
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Vision & Action
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Vision without action is daydream. Action without vision is nightmare.
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Choices in Life
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There are two primary choices in life: to accept conditions as they exist, or accept the responsibility for changing them.
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Predict the Future
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The best way to predict the future is to create it.
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Abraham Lincoln
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Great Spirits
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Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds.
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Albert Einstein
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Change And...
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Cause change and lead; accept change and survive; resist change and die.
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Optimist
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I am an optimist. It does not seem to be much use being anything else.
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Things to Do
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In any situation, the best thing you can do is the right thing; the next best thing you can do is the wrong thing; the worst thing you can do is nothing.
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It Works!
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It works! Now if only I could remember what I did... |
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Lifeboats
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Life is a shipwreck but we must not forget to sing in the lifeboats. |
Voltaire |
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Bleed for Five Days
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I don't trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn't die.
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Being Talked About
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The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about.
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Sail Away
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Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.
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Mark Twain
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Negative Thinking
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Positive anything is better than negative thinking.
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Bitter Defeat
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Defeat is not bitter unless you swallow it.
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Leadership
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Management is doing things right. Leadership is doing the right things.
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Great Way
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If you cannot do great things, do small things in a great way.
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Wake Up
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If you want to make your dreams come true, the first thing you have to do is wake up.
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Small People
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Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great makes you feel that you, too, can become great.
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Mark Twain
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Who & When
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If not us, who? If not now, when?
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John F. Kennedy
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Shots
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You miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
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Good Traveler
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A good traveler has no fixed plans and is not intent on arriving.
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Lao Tzu
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Monster
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Whoever fights monsters should see to it that in the process he does not become a monster. And if you gaze long enough into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.
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Friedrich Nietzsche
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Open Mind
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A mind is like a parachute; it doesn't work if it isn't open.
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Leader
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A leader leads by example not by force.
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Sun Tzu
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Sex's No Answer
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Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. Yes is the answer.
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Who Matter
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Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.
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The Pessimist & The Optimist
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The pessimist sees difficulty in every opportunity. The optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
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Winston Churchill
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Jolly Santa
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The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
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Fake Orgasm
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Women might be able to fake orgasms, but men can fake a whole relationship.
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I May Learn
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I am always doing that which I cannot do, in order that I may learn how to do it.
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Pablo Picasso
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War
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War does not determine who is right, only who is left.
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Hurt You
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The last thing I want to do is hurt you, but it's still on the list.
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Grow Up
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We never really grow up; we only learn how to act in public.
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Your Problems
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Laugh at your problems. Everybody else does.
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Goal
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A goal is not always meant to be reached; it often serves simply as something to aim at.
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Bruce Lee
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Good Girls
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Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.
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Oops
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Never say, "Oops!" Always say, "Ah, interesting!"
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Entertaining
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If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.
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Stupid People
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God must love stupid people. He made so many.
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Experience's the Name
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Experience is the name everyone gives to their mistakes.
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Oscar Wilde
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Unreliable Computers
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Computers are unreliable, but humans are even more unreliable.
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Charade
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The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.
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