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41 Cards in this Set
- Front
- Back
(zhi) fu zi
aconiti radix lateralis preparatum |
Mr T says: Foo! Zu betta warm up your Stomach and stop your belly aching, cuz Mr T. don’t wanna hear about how your channels bi in pain, and you best warm your kidney yang to get rid of that edema right now!
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gan jiang
dried ginger zingiberis rhizoma |
Open wide! Zingi-bears are revive-alicious. They warm up your tummy and in no time your lungs will warm up too! Pick some up, next time you gan (jiang) shopping.
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rou gui
cassia cinnamon tree bark cinnamomi cortex |
Rou Gui man, come here, I wanna tell you sumthin: you make my blood and qi come alive, I bi syndroming just thinking about they way you warm my interior and stop my pain, you wanna guide my floating heat back to your source?
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wu zhu yu
evodia berry evodiae fructus |
Woo jew yee like to evodiae hernia, contracted testes and the nausea and vomiting that accompany coldness in Liver and Stomach?
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gao liang jiang
galangal root alpiniae officarum rhizoma |
Gao to the alpiniae officarum and submit your rebellious Stomach qi for a warming MJ treatment that stops pain.
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(bai) hu jiao
pepper (white or black) piperis fructus |
Bye!? Wha Joe? What do you mean you want a baby with a warm middle jiao?
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Hua Jiao
aka: chuan jiao Sichuan pepercorn zanthoxyli pericarpium |
I use the alternative name Chuan Jiao.
Whatchu Chuan Joe? You want roundworms on top of your yeast infection and athlete’s foot? Just thinking about that makes my cold tummy ache. |
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Ding Xiang
clove caryophylli flos |
Ding Xiang the witch is dead. Let’s celebrate with a hiccup and a belch, some impotence and infertility and a toothache.
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xiao hui xiang
sweet fennel seed foeniculi fructus |
Overheard while buying fennel seed at the grocery store:
I told him “Foe Nic U Lie” because that infertility problem goes right along with your contracted testes and my menstrual pain. And do you know what he did?? He stuck out his bloated stomach and farted. |
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bi ba
long pepper fruit spike piperis longi fructus |
Some random TMZ tweet:
Piper is longi for the long pepper spike to warm her middle jiao… Well aren’t we all looking for the bi ba for the hiccups? |
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ren shen
Asian ginseng ginseng radix |
Gin-erates body fluids
“Seng your life” to lift your qi, I think about the Morrissey song “Sing Your Life” and how singers need Lungs to sing and MJ power to project their voice (qi/lifeforce). |
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dang shen
downy bellflower codonopsis radix |
When MJ and Lu need a boost from that codon-op-sis, they call Dang Shen.
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tai zi shen
“child root” “prince root” “baby ginseng” pseudostellariae radix |
Tai Zi Shen is a pseudo-stellariae Ren Shen
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bai zhu
white atractylodes atractylodis macrocephalae rhizoma |
How ‘bout I buys you (bai zhu) a towel? - This towel dries spontaneous sweat and mops up pee it can also be used as a blanket to calm the baby.
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gan cao
“sweet grass” licorice root glycyrrhizae radix |
If your Heat, Lung and MJ qi have gone south (gan cao): get ready for some sweet harmonys to ease your pain. While there take care of the heat toxicity in your food poisons it will make you gly-cyrr-hi-zae.
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da zao
Chinese date jujubae fructus |
Ju Ju bae my sweet fruity Chinese date. Her dad said “zao have her home early, because I get shen disturbed if my girl doesn’t take her MJ Qi and blood supplements on time.”
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huang qi
"yellow milk-vetch" astragalus root astragali radix |
A-stragali person has poor Lu/wei qi and sweats alot. They also have Spleen prolapse (diarrhea, prolapse of the stomach, anus or the uterus/vagina). Long-standing sores and edema are also huang qi-ing around.
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shan yao
“mountain herb” Chinese yam dioscoreae rhizoma |
You Shant Yao too loud because your lung and kidney qi will leak and your MJ qi needs all the supplementing it can get.
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bai bian dou
"white flat bean" hyacinth bean lablab semen album |
Eat these sweet white flat beans and say bye to that summerheat dampness that bian your MJ like dough.
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huang jing
"yellow essence" polygonati rhizoma |
If you are huang jing to
1. majorly supplement MJ qiand Lung qi 2. generate body fluids (ST and Lung) 3. mildly sups blood then Poly-gona-tease you |
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Yi Tang
maltosum |
Yi Tang! This is some sweet maltosum. So sweet it stops pain and cramps in the MJ and even nourishes lung yin.
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chuan xiong
Sichuan lovage root chuanxiong rhizome |
Chuan Xiong is THE headache medicine that also regulating menses
It moves qi and blood to stop pain and expels w-c to relieve yang-ming headache |
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dan shen
“cinnabar root, red root” salviae miltiorrhizae radix |
Lieutenant Dan’s Shen is due to heart heat. He got stagnant blood chest bi in ‘nam. He has tumors, cancer, and cirrhosis with his fibroids, and some nasty heat toxicity skin problems. Poor militiorrhi-zae (military) Dan; he should put some salviae on it.
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2 herbs in this category are colder than rest:
Chi Shao, Dan Shen |
When an herb calms the shen, it is said to enter the heart channel. However, this is due to a typo in the Nan Jing. It is understood that clearing heat calms the shen. “Heart” is a typo where it should be “heat.”
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ji xue teng
“chicken-blood vine” spatholobi caulis |
Ji – chicken blood on the move
Xue – think of blood and wbc for chemo patients Teng – vines relax channels |
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ji xue teng
“chicken-blood vine” spatholobi caulis |
Ji – chicken blood on the move
Xue – think of blood and wbc for chemo patients Teng – vines relax channels |
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yan hu suo
corydalis rhizome |
Corydal is my insomnia and pain medicine
1. moves qi and blood to stop pain 2. treats insomnia |
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yu jin
curcumae radix |
Yu Jin (using) its looks to remember its functions…
Color = LV/GB: moves blood and LV qi, softens GB stones Color = cold temp: cools blood, stops heat related bleeding Looks like a slice of hard phlegm: for shen disorders caused by phlegm, and phlegm jaundice |
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yi mu cao
benefit mother herb Asian motherwort leonuri herba |
Leon uri up! I have to pee away this edema, and move this bloody stagnant menstrual problem. My skin infections are like hard masses with pain and pus.
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chì sháo
aka: chì sháo yào red peony root paeoniae radix rubra |
1. moves blood (stronger than Mu Dan Pi)
2. cools blood (weaker than Mu Dan Pi) 3. clears liver fire Notes: does not cause stagnation |
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ze lan
"marsh orchid" lycopi herba |
Ze pLan is to move blood stagnation to fix your lingering lochia and placenta retention. I know you lyco-pi so we will give you something to promote urination to treat your edema. This should also clear up your hot toxic skin infection too.
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tao ren
peach kernel persicae semen |
It relieves my lung dryness to cough and wheeze bloody sputum into the moistened tao towel in my persicae (purse). I also use the tao towel between my legs to relieve menstrual blood stagnation and wipe my butt after my constipation eases.
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hong hua
safflower carthami flos |
1. moves blood for OB/GYN conditions and injury/trauma
when Hong Hua is used to harmonize the blood, its dosage should be reduced to 0.5-1 grams |
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e zhu
“three edges” bur-reed root curcumae rhizome |
So you told that nasty cur to cum ae? E zhu probably have cervical and skin cancer on your hardness and masses. I strongly suggest moving your blood and beware of MJ and food stagnation with clumps
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1. moves blood
2. softens harndess and masses 3. for severe MJ and food stagnation with clumps 4. childhood nutritional impairment e zhu and san leng are paired |
san leng
“three edges” root of bur reed sparganii rhizome |
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ru xiang
"milk fragrance" frankincense olibanum |
Ru Xiang on your injuries, trauma, bi syndrome and pain. Rub some olibanum on your long standing sores as well.
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mo yao
myrrha |
If you have mo yao (more yowies) use this with ru xiang to move blood, reduce swelling and regenerate flesh
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all of the wu's are warm or hot, all of the nu's and niu's are not
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all of the wu's are warm or hot, all of the nu's and niu's are not
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huai niu xi
“Huai river ox knee” amaranth bidentatae radix |
(huai niu xi) Why no, she asks? She does have a hot upper body and this herb guides my blood downward. I piss myself just thinking about how hot Lin’s stone syndrome is. But my liver and kidney yin are not strong enough and I have a weak bone. Its for the best I guess, since she has menstrual blood problems.
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wang bu liu xing
"king cannot stay its movement" vaccaria seeds vaccariae semen |
Vicarious (vaccariae) life from a semen yields swollen breasts and testes. Lin pisses himself, could it be lactation and menstrual blood flowing?
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wu ling zhi
flying squirrel feces trogopterori faeces |
1. invigorates blood to stop pain due to blood stagnation
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