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28 Cards in this Set

  • Front
  • Back
*The play starts*
Hey there, Marcus. What's up?
Jesus!
What's going on, buddy?
Oh man...!
What's the matter? Sit down.
I don't get it, Al. I just don't understand it.
You want something? Want a drink? I'll call the waitress...
No! No! Don't even try. I don't know what's going on today, Al. It's really weird.
What, like...?
Right from the moment I got up...
What is it? What's the story?
Well--just for an example.......... you're a drugstore, and you don't have any aspirin?
Did they have Bufferin?
Yeah.
Advil?
Yeah!
Extra-strength Tylanol?
Yeah!
But no aspirin...
No.
Wow...
And that's the weird thing that's been happening to me........ Daily news, the guys never even heard of it.
Could've been a misunderstanding.
I asked everyplace. Nobody had the news....... How can they be a deli if they don't have any pastrami?
Was this a Korean deli?
This was kosher from jerusalem deli........ have some tongue.
Mmm.
I just got into a cab....... to Newark instead!
Mm-hm.
Lookin at me like I'm alien or something.
Mark. Settle down.
"Oh I don't go there, sir."
Settle down. Take a breath.
Do you know what this is?
Sure.
What is it? What's happening to me?
Don't panic. You're in a Philadelphia.
I'm in a what?
You're in a Philadelphia. That's all.
But I'm in--
Physically you are in New York. But metaphysically you are in a Philadelphia.
I've never heard of this!
You see, inside of what we know as reality there are these pockets, these black holes called Philadelphias. If you fall into one, you run into exactly the kinda shit that's been happening to you all day.
Why?
Because in a Philadelphia, no matter what you ask for, you can't get it. You ask for something, they're not gonna have it. You want to do something, it ain't gonna get done. You want to go somewhere, you can't get there from here.
Good god. So this is very serious.
Just remember, Marcus. This condition is named after the city that invented the cheese steak. Something that no one would willingly ask for.
And I thought I was having a very bad day...
Sure. Millions of people have spent entire lives inside a Philadelphia and never even knew it. Look at the city of Philadelphia itself. Hopelessly trapped inside a Philadelphia. And do they know it?
Well what can I do? Should I just kill myself and get it over with?
You try to kill yourself in a Philadelphia, you're only gonna get hurt, babe.
So what do I do?
Best thing you can do is wait it out. Someday, the great cosmic train will come and whisk you out of the city of brotherly love and off to someplace happier.
You're pretty goddamn mellow today.
Yeah, well. Everybody has to be someplace.