Intimate Relationships Exam 3

Front 1

conflict

Back 1

unavoidable. If no conflict, someone isn't being honest.

Front 2

interpersonal dissimilarity

Back 2

partners are different. No two people are identical. the more different you are, the more conflict.

Front 3

intrapersonal dissimilarity (dialectic)

Back 3

one person is different in self, sometimes we have different wants and needs.

Front 4

autonomy vs. Connection

Back 4

wanting space vs. want to love someone. We often want to be free to do what we want but also seek warm, close connections to others that can make them dependent on particular partners.we need both.

Front 5

stability vs change

Back 5

life predictable and count on partner vs. too much of the same is boring, need novelty.

Front 6

openness vs closeness

Back 6

self-disclosure vs privacy. Intimacy involves self-disclosure and intimate partners are expected to share their thoughts and feelings with one another. However, people also like their privacy and there are some things that prudent partners want to keep to themselves.

Front 7

integration vs separation

Back 7

share everything with everyone vs everyone doesn't need to know everything. Ones motives to stay involved with other people is sometimes at odds with the wish to devote oneself to a romantic partnership. Would you rather go out with friends or stay at home and snuggle with your sweetheart?

Front 8

frequency of conflict

Back 8

personality traits. attachment. stage of life. similarity

Front 9

personality traits and frequency of conflict

Back 9

high in neuroticism = unhappy disagreements with others than people with low. more conflict

high in agreeableness = good natured, cooperative and generally easy to get along with. fewer conflict. and when conflict react more constructively

Front 10

attachment and frequency of conflict

Back 10

Pepe anxious about abandonment tend to fret that their partners may leave them and perhaps because they nervously expect the worst, they think that there is more conflict in their relationships than more secure partners do.

Preoccupied, fearful = more conflict

they avoid intimacy

Front 11

stage of life and frequency of conflict

Back 11

Conflict highest in middle age then it declines. Kids move out, know each other more, older people mellow out. As we get older we get rid of the people who create conflict

Front 12

similarity

Back 12

the less similar dating partners are, the more conflict they experience

Front 13

alcohol and frequency of conflict

Back 13

intoxication increase conflict

Front 14

instigating event

Back 14

criticism, illegitimate demands, rebuffs, cumulative annoyances

Front 15

criticism

Back 15

attacking someones character instead of their action

Front 16

illegitimate demands

Back 16

expecting someone to go above and beyond normal expectations

Front 17

rebuffs

Back 17

one person appeals to another for a desired reaction, and the other person fails to respond as expected. Ignoring partner and not giving attention. EX: excited about something and they are silent

Front 18

cumulative annoyances

Back 18

an annoyance that builds up over time.

Front 19

social allergies

Back 19

Through repeated exposure to small recurring nuisances, people may develop hypersensitive reactions of disgust and exasperation that seems out of proportion to any particular provocation.

Front 20

attributions

Back 20

explanation of behaviors, influence behaviors

Front 21

actor observer effect

Back 21

we attribute our behavior positively and attribute others negatively for the same or similar reason

Front 22

self-serving bias

Back 22

judge our own actions more favorably than others do.

Front 23

attributional conflict

Back 23

fighting over whose explanation is right and whose account is wrong

Front 24

engagement

Back 24

goal- address the issue

partners decide whether to engage in conflict or to avoid the issue and let it drop

Front 25

avoidance

Back 25

sweep it under the rug, causes resentment, eventually comes out.

Front 26

escalate

Back 26

make conflict bigger, makes it worse, forget what the main issue was, damaging in relationship. Involves the dysfunctional forms of communication. other issues might get dragged in. Angry fighting may ensure

Front 27

direct

Back 27

still address topic but negatively.

critical accusations - "you lazy pig"

Hostile comand- "shut up"

Antagonistic question- " why are you stupid"

sarcastic put-downs - "you look really cool"

Front 28

indirect

Back 28

condescension -"Thats not how i would do it"

dysphoric affect- "looks sad or grumpy, whining

prematurely change topic - "randomly " how are the mets?"

fail to recognize issue - "whatever"

Front 29

attachment in escalation

Back 29

preoccupied and fearful increase escalation

Front 30

negative affect reciprocity

Back 30

partners trade escaping provocations back and forth

Front 31

demand/withdraw pattern

Back 31

one person (demander) wants to talk about something but the other withdraws (withdrawer) and doesn't want to talk about it. No trust.

Front 32

gender patterns

Back 32

woman more likely to pursue (demand), men more likely to withdraw (withdrawer)

Front 33

social structure hypothesis

Back 33

the demand/withdraw pattern results from pervasive differences in the power of men and women in society and marriage alike. Men have more power in relationships than women do and if you're getting your way, you're likely to resist change

Front 34

Negotiation

Back 34

when we look the the issue itself and deal rationally. Work together towards a solution.

Front 35

good direct tactics in negotiation

Back 35

show willingness to deal with problem by accepting responsibility

exhibit support for the other's point of view through paraphrasing

offering self-dislocure with "i-statements"

provide approval and affection

Front 36

good indirect tactics in negotiation

Back 36

friendly, non sarcastic humor that lightens the mood

Front 37

voice

Back 37

behaving in can active, constructive manner by trying to improve the situation by discussing matters with the partner, changing one's behavior in an effort to solve the problem, or obtaining advice from a friend or therapist

Front 38

loyalty

Back 38

behaving in a passive but constructive manner by optimistically waiting and hoping for conditions to improve

Front 39

exit

Back 39

behaving in an actively destructive manner by leaving the partner threatening to end the relationship or engaging in abusive acts such as yelling or hitting

Front 40

neglect

Back 40

behaving in a passive but destructive manner by avoiding discussion of critical issues and reducing interdependence with partner. when one is neglectful, one stands aside and just lets things get worse.

Front 41

four types of conflict

Back 41

volatile, validators, avoiders, hostiles

Front 42

volatile

Back 42

high conflict, high make up.

frequent and passionate arguments. Plunge into fiery efforts to persuade and influence each other. Often display high levels of negative affect but they temper their anger with plenty of wit and evident fondness for each ther

Front 43

validators

Back 43

Adress conflict directly. Tend to be calmer than volatile couples are and behave more like collaborators than like antagonists as they work through their problems. Discussions may become heated but frequently validate each other by expressing empathy for and understanding of the other point of view

Front 44

avoiders

Back 44

rarely argue and don't solve anything. Avoid confrontation. Rather than discuss conflict with partners, avoiders often just try to fix it on their own or wait it out, hoping that the passage of time will solve problem

Front 45

Hostiles

Back 45

High points still negative. Discussions sprinkled with too much criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and withdrawal. Meaner to each other than other couples

Front 46

process of conflict

Back 46

instigating event - attributions - engagement - negotiation - outcomes

Front 47

outcomes

Back 47

separation, domination, compromise, integrative agreements, structural improvement

Front 48

separation

Back 48

both partners withdraw without resolving the conflict. Disengage from partner, hurtful to relationship if don't come back. If separate to calm down and then come back it is HELPFUL to relationship

Front 49

domination

Back 49

1 person over powers the other. 1 person gets their way. Not good for relationship. causes resentment and anger

Front 50

compromise

Back 50

both people kinda get what they want. No one exactly gets their way. Reduce own aspirations so that mutually acceptable alternative can be found

Front 51

integrative agreements

Back 51

BEST possible outcome. satisfy both partners' original goals and aspirations. Takes a lot of time and stress.

Front 52

structural improvement

Back 52

Nature of relationship changes. change of process of disagreements

Front 53

conflict in a nutshell

Back 53

can be a tool to improve relationship

Front 54

How conflict is effective?

Back 54

Be a "buffalo". Fastest way through a storm is too face it. Draw closer together.

Front 55

start off constructive

Back 55

start off with something positive. inviting them to listen

Front 56

control what you can

Back 56

you can control yourself!!!! your attributions, negativity (be respectful), anger/emotions, take responsibility- take ownership for your part, try to understand partners perspective, repair techniques

Front 57

the best thing?

Back 57

have a strong relationship before conflict

Front 58

Rates of dissolution

Back 58

commitment/type of relationship matter, dating least commitment, highest dissolution. Divorce more common than previous generations

Front 59

the process of breaking up

Back 59

gradual dissatisfaction, vacillation (go back and forth)

Front 60

direct vs indirect breakups

Back 60

know being broken up with vs don't know aren't sure

Front 61

oriented vs self oriented

Back 61

Oriented- other persons feelings protected

Self-oriented - protecting own feelings

Its not you its me vs I don't wan tot be tied down

Front 62

gradual vs sudden onset

Back 62

gradually dissatisfied vs critical event that changed a partners feelings about relationship

Front 63

individual vs shared desire

Back 63

one person wants relationship to end vs both want it to end

Front 64

rapid vs protracted

Back 64

end the relationship fast vs several efforts to end relationship before they succeeded

Front 65

presence or absence of rap air attempts

Back 65

most of the time, no formal effort to repair the relationship was made

Front 66

perserving indirectness

Back 66

gradual dissatisfaction that led one of the two partners to make repeated efforts to dissolve the relationship without ever announcing that intention and without engaging in any attempts to improve or repair the relationship

Front 67

emotional adjustment

Back 67

No more "weness". the more "weness" = harder adjustment. Higher self-expansion = greater adjustment

Front 68

dependency

Back 68

more dependent we are the harder emotional adjustment

Front 69

easier over time

Back 69

feelings of love decrease, sadness decrease, anger decreases, relief increases. Experience more relief than any other emotion at end of 1 month. Easier than we think

Front 70

individual differences

Back 70

Secure- quicker to except and move on, still feel sadness

preoccupied: harder to move on, hang on to it

Front 71

rumination vs reflection

Back 71

rumination- always thinking about it, prevents from moving on, feels worse

reflection - think about pain, relive the stress, and make meaning of situation and more forward, makes us feel better

Front 72

why has divorce increased?

Back 72

More demanding expectations for marriage than people used to have. Cohabitation is widespread. Gender roles changing. more women in workforce. Perceptions of divorce less negative. More parents divorce, children grow up in broken homes

Front 73

Levinger's barrier model

Back 73

three factors influence breakup. Attraction, alternatives, barriers. Highlights the fact that unhappy couples stay together because it would costs to much

Front 74

attraction

Back 74

enhanced by rewards a relationship offers and it is diminished by its cots.

Front 75

alternatives

Back 75

other partners, want to be single, want to achieve career goal

Front 76

barriers

Back 76

barriers around relationship that make it hard to leave. Include legal and social pressures to remain married, religious and moral constraints and the financial costs of obtain gin a divorce and maintaining two households

Front 77

Karney and bradbury's Vulnerability stress adaption model

Back 77

three influences that contribute to divorce. enduring vulnerabilities, adaptive processes, stressful events

Front 78

enduring vulnerabilities

Back 78

Adverse experiences in one's family of origin, poor education, maladaptive personality traits, bad social skills or dysfunctional attitudes towards marriage.

Front 79

adaptive processes

Back 79

how people respond to stress.

Front 80

stressful events

Back 80

Require the partners to provide support to one another and to adjust to new circumstances. When stressful events occur a couple must cope and adapt, but depending on their vulnerabilities, some people are better able to do so than others. Failure to cope well can make stresses worse and poor coping causes marital quality to decline

Front 81

stress spillover

Back 81

we bring surly moods home and interact irascibly with out innocent partners

Front 82

correlates of divorce

Back 82

cultural - religon, family history

social - neighborhoods, networks

relational- unique to relationship

individual - for 1 person

Front 83

work demands increasing divorce rate

Back 83

woman in workforce, make own money, not economic dependent.

Boss expect more, technology , blur between work and family

Front 84

No-fault divorce laws

Back 84

someone had to do something wrong, now you don't

Front 85

social correlates

Back 85

poverty more likely to divorce - more stress, marry at young age

family history of divorce - more likely to think its OK

smaller social networks/mobility

Front 86

relational correlates

Back 86

number of marriages - increase divorce rate

children prior to marriage - increase divorce rate and against the norm, more complicated, married because pregnant

cohabitation - more likely to divorce

faith - no faith = higher divorce

Front 87

individual correlates

Back 87

satisfaction, attachment, attitudes/commitment, education - more education = more stable, personality traits- neuroticism= higher divorce, age at marriage - 22 or younger

Front 88

Process of divorce

Back 88

personal phase - you think about it

dyadic phase - let partner know

social phase - tell people whats going on

grave-dressing phase - mourning of loss relationship, revise memory's to make sense of whats going on

resurrection - no longer part of couple

Front 89

effects of divorce

Back 89

long, difficult process. over time feel better. social networks get cut in half, lose social support, finances - house income drops, child support, relationships with ex important for children, children influenced

Front 90

over time, feel better

Back 90

But not as god as prior to marital difficulties, not as good as people widowed or sill married, most report 6 years later divorce was a positive event

Front 91

remarriage

Back 91

most divorced individuals remarry

men more likely to remarry

most remarry within 4 years

boosts well being and satisfaction

Front 92

children of divorce

Back 92

children of divorce exhibit reduced well-being but they can prosper if their parents stay involved with them and are civil to each other. Children fare better if surly, hostile parents do divorce than if they do not.

Front 93

parental loss

Back 93

children are presumed to benefit from having two parents who are devoted to their care and children who lose parent for any reason, including divorce, are likely to less well off

Front 94

parental stress model

Back 94

Children's outcomes depend on how well a custodial parent adjusts to a divorce and consistent with this perspective, children of divorce usually start doing more poorly in school when their parents grow dissatisfied long before they actually break- up.

Front 95

parental conflict

Back 95

bad interactions between parents appear to be hard on children and whether or not divorce occurs, conflict in the home is associated with more anxiety

Front 96

relationship maintenance mechanisms

Back 96

strategic actions people stake to sustain their partnerships. commitment and contentment

Front 97

commitment

Back 97

people in committed relationships who wan rand expect it to continue, think and behave differently than less committed partners do. They sustain relationship and act in ways that avoid or defuse conflict and enrich the relationship

Front 98

cognitive interdependence

Back 98

Perceive greater overlap between their partners' lives and their own and they use more plural pronouns with we, us, and ours replacing I, Me and mine

Front 99

Positive illusions

Back 99

idealizing each other and perceiving their relationship in the best possible light

Front 100

perceived superiority

Back 100

think your relationship is better than most

Front 101

inattention to alternatives

Back 101

uninterested and unaware of how well they could be doing in alternative relationships

Front 102

behavioral maintenance mechanisms

Back 102

changes in things people do. willingness to sacrifice, Michelangelo phenomenon. accommodation, self-control, play, positivity, assurances, forgiveness, sharing tasks and consistency

Front 103

willingness to sacrifice

Back 103

Trivial costs such as seeing a movie that doesn't interest you because your partner wants to go, but it can also involve substantial costs in which people endure rather long periods of deprivation in order to preserve or enrich their partnerships

Front 104

Michelangelo phenomenon

Back 104

see each other best self, encourage them to do the right thing. Help partner become who they want to be.

Front 105

accommodation

Back 105

willingness to control the impulse to respond in kind to a partner's provocation and to instead respond constructively

Front 106

self-control

Back 106

ability to manage one's impulses, control one's thoughts, persevere in pursuit of desired goals, and curb unwanted behavior

Front 107

Play

Back 107

couples are usually content when they find ways to engage in novel, challenging and exciting activities

Front 108

forgiveness

Back 108

forgiveness quickens the healing of both the relationship and the partner who was wronged. don't carry around wrong doing forever

Front 109

staying content

Back 109

positivity, openness, assurances, social network, share tasks, support and good humor

Front 110

Preventative maintenance

Back 110

working to make current relationship strong, looking ahead to trouble shoot issues, premarital counseling, make a contract

Front 111

self help books

Back 111

pros: cheap, written down, self-paced, anonymous

cons: wide audience, no-accountability, where did it come from

Front 112

behavioral couple therapy

Back 112

Working to change behaviors. Encourage them to be more pleasant and rewarding partners. Focuses on couple's present interactions and seeks to replace any negative and punishing behavior with more generous actions. Teaches good communications skills. If the behavior goes away the problems go away

Front 113

Cognitive-behavioral couple therapy (CBT)

Back 113

Change various aspects of the ways partners think about and appraise their partnership. Work on changing behaviors and thoughts

Front 114

Integrative behavioral couple therapy

Back 114

Behavioral and emotional work. Encourage more desirable behavior and to teach the partners to tolerantly accept the incompatibilities that they cannot change. Accept own and partners imperfections

Front 115

Emotionally focused therapy

Back 115

seek to make partners more secure. emotion focus therapy based on attachment

Front 116

Insight oriented couple therapy

Back 116

seeks to free spouses from emotional baggage they carry from prior relationships.

Front 117

therapy

Back 117

Pros: someone tailors it for you , confidential, someone hold you accountablecons: expensive