Intimate Relationships And Marriages Exam 3

Front 1

triangular theory of love

Back 1

Sternberg. Combines the components of intimacy, passion, and commitment.

Front 2

intimacy

Back 2

Feelings of warmth, understanding, trust, support, ands sharing that often characterize loving relationships. Emotion, you know who they are.

Front 3

passion

Back 3

physical arousal and desire, excitement and need. Takes the form of sexual longing but any sting emotional need that is satisfied by one's partner fits this category. The drive or motive.

Front 4

commitment

Back 4

Feeling of permanence and stability as well as the decisions to devote oneself to a relationship and to work to maintain it. Cognitive in nature. Decision to be with them

Front 5

nonlove

Back 5

Intimacy, passion, and commitment are all absent. Love does not exist. Casual, superficial, uncommitted relationship. Just acquaintances, not even friends

Front 6

liking

Back 6

High intimacy, low commitment and low passion. Occurs in friendships with real closeness and warmth that do not arouse passion of the expectation that you will spend the rest of your life with that person.

Front 7

infatuation

Back 7

Strong passion in the absence of intimacy and commitment. Don't know them. They aren't in you r future. EX: Crush on a celebrity.

Front 8

empty love

Back 8

High commitment, low intimacy and low passion. Not connecting on an emotional level. EX: arranged marriages

Front 9

romantic love

Back 9

High intimacy and passion but low commitment. Combination of liking and infatuation. Desire for them, know them but aren't committed to them forever. EX: A summer love/fling.

Front 10

companionate love

Back 10

High intimacy, high commitment, but low passion. stable and satisfying. Passion most likely to change. Usually goes away in about 2 years of marriage. Has long, happy marriage in which the couple's youthful passion has gradually died down.

Front 11

Fatuous love

Back 11

High passion and commitment but low intimacy. EX: A couple marries quickly, 3 weeks, on the basis of overwhelming passion but doesn't know each other very well.

Front 12

Consummate love

Back 12

High intimacy, high passion, high commitment. "Complete love". MOST satifying

Front 13

Is Sternberg missing anything in his theory?

Back 13

caring and compassion

Front 14

unrequited love

Back 14

one person doesn't love back. Alternatives are nonexistent. For the "lover" more rewarding and idealizes partner. For the "subject of love" more costly and has to reject him/her.

Front 15

arousal

Back 15

Passionate attraction. Physiological arousal such as a fast heart beat that is coupled with the belief that another person is the cause of your arousal. Physically attractive women is are always judged to be more desirable that the unattractive woman.

Front 16

thoughts

Back 16

We think about our lovers differently than we think abut our friends. More intimacy, dependence and caring. You'd do anything for your partner

Front 17

ludus

Back 17

treats love as an uncommitted game. ludic lovers try to have many partners at once.

Front 18

eros

Back 18

Strong physical component. Erotic lovers are likely to be heavily influenced by physical appearance and to believe in love at first sight.

Front 19

storge

Back 19

leads people to de-emphasize strong emotion and to seek genuine friendships that gradually lead to real commitment

Front 20

mania

Back 20

demanding and possessive and full of vivd fantasy and obsession

Front 21

agape

Back 21

giving, altruistic and selfless and treats love as a duty

Front 22

pragma

Back 22

Practical and pragmatic. Pragma leads people to dispassionately seek partners who will logically be a good match for them

Front 23

culture

Back 23

Love is much the same around the world, but cultural nuances exist.

Front 24

How do we get together?

Back 24

Romantic love. High passion and intimacy

Front 25

Missattribution and excitation transfer

Back 25

Cause of arousal misattributed. Thinks its them but its actually something else that aroused you. EX: At a party. She was tazed and hit it off with a guy and has a crush on him.

Front 26

situations and love

Back 26

different standards. EX: a guy at church has higher standards then at a party. Looking for a more "wife type"

Front 27

fantasy

Back 27

our brains lie to use. Idealize what it will be like

Front 28

novelty

Back 28

self-expansion model (new experiences). It's new.

Front 29

Why do we stay together?

Back 29

companionate or consummate love. More stable, satisfying than romantic love

Front 30

individual differences in love

Back 30

the more alike our traits, the more satisfied in the relationship. Prior experiences. intergenerational transmission, parental divorce. attachment style

Front 31

attachment stlye

Back 31

secure people enjoy stronger experiences of romantic, companionate and compassionate love than insecure people.

Front 32

age

Back 32

People tend to mellow. Experience less intense love as time goes by.

Front 33

Men and women and love

Back 33

Men and women are more similar than different when it comes to love. However, women pick their lovers more carefully and fall in love less quickly than men do. Women experience more intense and more volatile emotions than men do on average while men experience more romantic attitudes.

Front 34

why doesn't love last?

Back 34

fantasy, novelty (newness), and arousal fade over time.

Front 35

cohabitation

Back 35

unmarried couples sharing a residence. Cohabitation is becoming more popular

Front 36

Why has it increased over time?

Back 36

secularzation, more socially accepted, increasing standards of living, sex revolution, gap between becoming sexually active and getting married

Front 37

Why do individuals cohabit?

Back 37

save money, see each other more often, create a 2-parent home, path to marriage

Front 38

Why don't people cohabit?

Back 38

religious reasons, social networks, not ready, independence, money (don't want to mix money)

Front 39

What happens to cohabit couples?

Back 39

Within 5 years 55% marry, 40% separate and 5% still cohabiting.

Front 40

cohabitation effect

Back 40

people who cohabit are at increased risk for lower marital quality and divorce

Front 41

selection hypothesis

Back 41

there is something special about the people we cohabit with.

Front 42

experience hypothesis

Back 42

cohabitation itself leads to divorce. Erodes positive views of marriage. Couple that cohabit after engaged don't have a higher risk for divorce.

Front 43

inertia hypohesis

Back 43

more costs to breaking up. easier to just get married. slide into marriage without seriously evaluating relationship

Front 44

accelerated cohabitors

Back 44

move in after 6 months because of passion

Front 45

tentative cohabitors

Back 45

move in after 7-12 months. reservation

Front 46

purposeful delayers

Back 46

move in after 1+ year. deliberate

Front 47

reasons the couple gave for moving in?

Back 47

finance, convenience, housing. NOT to evaluate for marriage

Front 48

things to consider before cohabitating

Back 48

make the decision to live with someone carefully- it is easier to move in than it is to move out. Define your expectations for the relationship. Are you both in it for marriage? How long to cohabit? Make a living together agreement-finances and property.

Front 49

power

Back 49

ability to influence others and resist others influence.

Front 50

sources of power

Back 50

dependency, alternatives, resources

Front 51

dependency

Back 51

the more you depend on a partner, the more power they have

Front 52

alternatives

Back 52

the more alternatives you have, the more power you have

Front 53

principle of lesser interest

Back 53

people with the amount of interest in the relationship have more power

Front 54

fate control

Back 54

one person's fate in others hands. One can autocratically determine what outcomes a pertness receives, thereby controlling the other's fate. EX: Only one person has money or Only one partner doesn't want o have sex

Front 55

Behavioral control

Back 55

Change own behavior to influence others. EX: When a women offers to provide a special back rub if her partner cleans the garage.

Front 56

reward power

Back 56

resource: rewards. You can give them something they like or take away something they don't like

Front 57

coercive power

Back 57

Resource: punishments. You can do something they don't like or take away something they do likeability to punish someone.

Front 58

legitimate power

Back 58

Resource: authority, social responsibility. Society agrees certain people have more power. They recognize your authority to tell them what to do. EX: police officers, president

Front 59

referent power

Back 59

:Resource: respect or love. They identify with you, feeling attracted and wanting to remain close. comes from someone who loves you. EX Do something kind for a partner.

Front 60

expert power

Back 60

Resource: expertise. You have the broad understanding they desire.

Front 61

informational power

Back 61

Resource: information. You possess specific knowledge they desire.

Front 62

Men and women and the control of the resources

Back 62

Men tend to control more resources than women do , in part because social norms maintain male dominance. The balance of power in close relationships is also affected by the universalistic or particularistic nature of the resources one controls

Front 63

mutual power sharing

Back 63

But still not equal. Men hold most of the power because have more resources (make most of the money). Men work more hours. Women have maternity leave. Men work more after birth and women work less. social norms.

Front 64

What do we know about powerful people?

Back 64

Interrupt others and tend to be unaware of others feelings. Take up more space.

Front 65

Expressions of power

Back 65

language. Men more direct. nonverbal sensitivity-bosses have lower nonverbal sensitivity

Front 66

direct power

Back 66

clear, assertive, say exactly what you want. Powerful people more indirect

Front 67

indirect

Back 67

hints at what you want. Never come out and say exactly what you want

Front 68

bilateral

Back 68

make decisions together. cooperation and collaboration. Powerful people more bilateral

Front 69

unilateral

Back 69

make own decisions. Do what they want without involving partner.

Front 70

Outcome of power

Back 70

Difficult to share power equally. But those who can are better off.

Front 71

violence

Back 71

a behavior that is "intended to do physical harm to other". All relationships affected. Homosexual the highest

Front 72

situational couple violence

Back 72

Not very frequent. motivations is anger and frustration. Perpetrators both men and women. intensity low.

Front 73

instigating trigger in situational couple violence

Back 73

anything that sets partner on edge

Front 74

impelling influences

Back 74

things that push you to violence

Front 75

inhibiting influence

Back 75

things that push you to nonviolence

Front 76

distal influence

Back 76

family history, culutre

Front 77

dispositional influnce

Back 77

personality, beliefs

Front 78

relational influence

Back 78

communication, problem solving. EX: bad communication = impelling behavior

Front 79

situational influence

Back 79

influence of drugs and alcohol, public place

Front 80

intimate terriosim

Back 80

more frequent, fight-keeps going. High intensity. Motivation is control and dominance. Perpetraters mostly male.

Front 81

Power and control of physical violence

Back 81

using coercion and threats, using intimidation, using emotional abuse, using isolation, using children, minimizing, denying, and blaming, using male privilege, and using economic abuse

Front 82

coercion and threats

Back 82

making and/or carrying out threats to do something to hurt her. threatening to leave her, to commit suicde, to report her to welfare, making her do illegal things

Front 83

using intimidation

Back 83

making her afraid by using looks, actions, gestures. smashing things, destroying her property, abusing pets, displaying weapons

Front 84

using emotional abuse

Back 84

putter her down, making her feel bad about herself, caller her names, making her think she is crazy, making her feel quilty

Front 85

using isolation

Back 85

controlling what she does, who she sees and talks to, what she read , where she goes. limiting her outside involvement, using jealousy to justify actions

Front 86

minimizing, denying, blaming

Back 86

makin light of the abuse and not taking her concerns about it seriously. saying the abuse didn't happen. shifting responsibility for abusive behavior. saying she caused it

Front 87

using children

Back 87

making her feel guilty about the children. using the children to really messages. using visitation to harass her. threatening to take the children away

Front 88

using male privilege

Back 88

treating her like a servant. making all the big decisions, acting like the master of the castle. being the one to define men's and women's roles.

Front 89

using economic abuse

Back 89

preventing her from getting or keeping a job. making her ask for money. giving her an allowance. taking her money. not letting her know about or have access to family income

Front 90

violent resistance

Back 90

Violent stance against intimate terrors. Fight back. Perpetrator is the victim. motivation is saving self. Not frequent

Front 91

intimate terrorism perpetrators

Back 91

motivations stable over time. family history. gender attitudes-women viewed as objects. pervasive aggression- violence elsewhere as well. self-concept poor. economic stress.

Front 92

Justifications

Back 92

wasn't that bad. 50% feel regret

Front 93

victims of intimate terrorism

Back 93

blame themselves. emotional costs. financial costs (miss work because bloody lip). some leave

Front 94

Why not more people leave violent relationships?

Back 94

children, confidence, scared, comparison level, comparison level of alternatives, preference, investment and cost, money

Front 95

pre-marital of non-marital sex

Back 95

"permissiveness with affection standard" we're okay with pre-marital sex if love and committed

Front 96

casual sex

Back 96

just sex partner, no relationship. judged harshly. Women more likely to regret their actions and men more likely to regret their inactions

Front 97

Love and lust

Back 97

love does not equal lust. love = affection, desire for them, passion. love and lust are seperate

Front 98

homosexuality

Back 98

Is becoming more tolerant of same-sex couples as time goes by. People consider homosexuality to be an acceptable lifestyle when they believe that sexual orientation results from biological influences that occur before we are born. Born rather than made

Front 99

sexual double standard

Back 99

Men are considered studs for sleeping with lots of women while women are considered sluts for having many sexual partners. women judged more harshly for STI's

Front 100

cultural differences on sex

Back 100

sexual attitudes in the USA are relatively conservative compared to those of people in many other countries

Front 101

average age for first time sex

Back 101

17

Front 102

Why is it younger that it used to be?

Back 102

puberty moved up, sex revolution

Front 103

context matters in first time sex

Back 103

experience of first time sex is a turning point in one's sexual trajectory.

Front 104

most teen sex occurs in _____ relationships

Back 104

Loving.

Front 105

hooking up

Back 105

common on college campuses. poor satisfaction. NO relationship. Poor communication

Front 106

Why have sex?

Back 106

emotional - show love, most satisfying

physical - feels good

pragmatic - want babies

insecure - avoid conflict, insecure i relationship, less satisfying

Front 107

frequency of sex

Back 107

sex declines but satisfaction doesn't. married people have most satisfaction. Age and sexual orientation affect frequency. younger people have more sex than older people. Gays have more sex at first but eventually decrease dramatically

Front 108

sexual desire

Back 108

sex drive

Front 109

Men different than woman

Back 109

Men masturbate more often, want sex more, fantasize about sex, spend more money on sex and want to have sex sooner in relationships than woman do.

Front 110

safe sex

Back 110

lots of sex isn't. underestimate risk. thinking errors

Front 111

illusions of unique invulnerability

Back 111

believe that bad things are generally more likely to happen to others than to us, so we fail to take sensible precautions that would prevent foreseeable dangers.

Front 112

alcohol myopia

Back 112

Reduction of people's abilities to think about and process all of the information available to them when they are intoxicated. Ignore potential consequences and to think that having sex is a great idea.

Front 113

Pluralistic ignorance

Back 113

occurs when people wrongly believe that their feel ins and beliefs are different from this of others. Think others are more okay with things than they actually are

Front 114

inequalities in power

Back 114

Just go with what the person with the most power wants. EX: Unlikely to use condoms if the more powerful partner does not want to.

Front 115

Abstinence education

Back 115

Does not work. Teaches teens to not have sex. Doesn't teach them how to have safe sex. Only works if highly religious

Front 116

sexual arousal

Back 116

vagocongestion response- increase blood flow to penis/vagina. emotional, psychological.

Front 117

gender difference in arousal

Back 117

time. For women lubrication does not equal excitement. Separate for women. takes longer for women to get aroused. Not separate for men

Front 118

influences of sexual satisfaction

Back 118

type of relationship, emotion, number of partners, fulfillment, approach/avoidance goals, communication, relationship satisfaction, physical and mental health

Front 119

Married couples

Back 119

Have most satisfying sex lives

Front 120

number of partners

Back 120

people with lower 3 of partners = higher satisfaction

people with more partners = lower satisfaction

Front 121

frequency of sex

Back 121

not a food factor for satisfaction. Only good for newlywed me. Changes over time

Front 122

need fulfillment

Back 122

autonomy- the right to say yes or no.

competence - want to know we can please partner

relatedness - brings us closer together

Front 123

approach goals

Back 123

using sex as a approach goal = satsified

Front 124

avoidance goals

Back 124

"I don't want o fight" has sex instead

Front 125

relationship satisfaction

Back 125

better, happier relationship = better sex

Front 126

What should you talk about and when?

Back 126

timing, past experiences, what you're willing/not willing to do, boundaries, talk should deb ongoing and honest

Front 127

sexual communication

Back 127

better communicate = better sex lives.

communicate what you like and don't like. talk about what you are willing to do

Front 128

sociosexual orientation

Back 128

beliefs and behaviors regarding sex. fairly stable over time

Front 129

restricted beliefs

Back 129

Ok to have sex only if in a relationship. more commitment. Desirability as a long term mate

Front 130

unrestricted beliefs

Back 130

have sex with anyone. less commitment. unrestricted people more likely to commit infidelity. high in extraversion usually

Front 131

infedility

Back 131

having sex outside of marriage, relationship. 1/3 of men cheat and 1/5 of women cheat.

Front 132

Why do people cheat?

Back 132

not satisfied in relationship, fighting. have opportunities to cheat, revenge/punish partner, social media, cultural

Front 133

individual differences with infedility

Back 133

sociosexual orientation. gender

men cheat for physical reasons

woman cheat for emotional reasons

Front 134

evolutionary perspective

Back 134

both men and woman have to benefit biologically. Woman more likely to cheat with men with better genes.

Front 135

extradyadic sex

Back 135

having sex outside of the dyad, or couple, with someone other than one's partner

Front 136

good gene hypothesis

Back 136

dual mating strategy for women. Pursue a long-term partners who will contribute resources to protect and feed offspring while surreptitiously seeking good genes for their children from other men.

Front 137

gay men

Back 137

more likely to cheat outside their primary relationship

Front 138

sperm competition

Back 138

occurs when the sperm of 2 or more men occupy the vagina at the same time. Evolution has equipped men with a penis that is ideally shaped to scoop any semen from other men away from their partner's cervix

Front 139

online sex

Back 139

accessible, affordable, anonymous

Front 140

pornography

Back 140

consuming alone = reduce desire for sex with partner, reduce satisfaction. less realistic expectations of sex, more accepting of causal sex. more demeaning views of women. highly addictive, broadens what we find sexually stimulating

Front 141

cybersex

Back 141

interactions with others purely for sexual gratification

Front 142

emotional involvement

Back 142

form intimate connections over internet. likely to meet for "real" sex. damage to the relationship

Front 143

the best sex

Back 143

each person having his or her needs met by a partner who understands and respects one's specific desires. Values one's partner and being devoted to the relationship and enjoying being with each other, in bed and out of it

Front 144

sexual coercion

Back 144

Various forms of pressure and behavioral outcomes describes four broad types of sexual violations. These are distressingly prevalent, but several strategies may make them less common

Front 145

types of sexual coercion/ sexual violations

Back 145

Pressures: verbal coercion and physical force

unwanted sexual behavior: intercourse and fondling

Front 146

Perceived relational value

Back 146

We want others to value our company and to consider their partnerships with us to be meaningful and important.

Front 147

relational value

Back 147

the degree to which others consider their relationships with us to be valuable and important. So, it's painful to perceive that our relational value is lower than we would like it to be.

Front 148

maximal inclusion

Back 148

others seek us out because they want to be with us

Front 149

ambivalence

Back 149

in which they don't care whether we're around or not

Front 150

maximal exclusion

Back 150

in which others banish us and send us away

Front 151

the key stressor

Back 151

the perception that others value their relationships with us less than we want them to. We feel hurt when our perceived relational value for others is lower than we want it to be

Front 152

Hurt feelings

Back 152

the feelings we experience are linked to others' evaluations of us in a complex way. Outright hostility doesn't hurt much more than simple ambivalence does. once we find out other don't want us around, it hardly matters whether they dislike us a little or a lot

Front 153

self-esteem

Back 153

increases sharply with increasing acceptance from others, but any rejection at all causes our self-esteem to bottom out. More sensitive to small changes in acceptance from others that indicate just how much they like us

Front 154

relational devaluation

Back 154

occurs when we encounter apparent decreases in others regard for us. causes hurt feelings that have much in common with real physical pain. pain delivers that relieve headaches reduce the pain of social rejection too

Front 155

ostracism

Back 155

the "silent treatment". occurs when others intentionally ignore us. is stressful and it is often confusing, leaving us wondering why we are being ignored

Front 156

high self-esteem

Back 156

people with high self-esteem are unlikely to put up with it. when they encounter a cold shoulder, they are more likely than those with low self-esteem to end the relationship and seek a new one

Front 157

jealousy

Back 157

is the unhappy combination of hurt anger and fear that occurs when people face the potential loss of a valued relationship sot a real or imagined rival

Front 158

reactive jealousy

Back 158

occurs in response to an actual threat to a valued relationship

Front 159

suspicious jealousy

Back 159

occurs when one's partner hasn't misbehaved and one's suspicions do not fit the facts at hand. is unfounded, failing to fit facts

Front 160

Who's prone to jealousy?

Back 160

men and women do not differ in their jealous tendencies. But some people are more print to jealousy than other's are. Related to dependence on a relationship and feelings of inadequacy in a relationship

Front 161

attachment styles matter in jealousy

Back 161

preoccupied people are pronto jealousy , whereas dismissing perplex are not.

Front 162

inadequacy

Back 162

People who feel they can't measure up to their partners' expectations. They are more prone to jealousy

Front 163

personality traits and jealousy

Back 163

people high in neuroticism tend to worry about a lot of things, particularly prone to jealousy.

Front 164

traditional gender roles and jealousy

Back 164

those with traditional beliefs are more likely jealous. Macho men and feminine woman are more prone to jealousy.

Front 165

who gets us jealous?

Back 165

not all rivals are equal. rivals who make us look bad by comparison- for instance, by being very attractive- are particularly worrisome. people with higher mate value

Front 166

what gets us jealous?

Back 166

deep emotional attachment or passionate sexual intercourse

Front 167

Men vs women and jealousy

Back 167

Men more threatened by passionate sexual intercourse because they face the problem of paternity uncertainty. They are more likely to ask if sex has occurred. Women are more threatened by emotional attachment because there is greater risk that a mate will withdraw his protective resources and transfer them to another mate. Women are likely to ask if their partner has fallen in love with the other mate

Front 168

responses to jealousy

Back 168

people may resound to jealousy in either helpful or harmful ways. Women react to a rivals interference by seeking to improve the relationship whereas men strive to protect their egos.

Front 169

attachment styles and responded to jealousy

Back 169

those who are comfortable with closeness tend to express their concerns trying to repair relationship. Those who are dismissing or fearful tend to avoid the issue and pretend that they don't care

Front 170

coping constructively with jealousy

Back 170

when a relationship really is at risk, we may need to work to reduce the extent to which the success of the relationship influences our personal sense of self-worth. we react irrationally when we behave as if our self-worth depends entirely on a particular partnership. therapy can help

Front 171

deception

Back 171

is intentional behavior that creates an impression in the recipient that the deceiver knows is false.

Front 172

lying

Back 172

people knowingly make statements that contradict the truth

Front 173

lying in close and casual relationships

Back 173

most lies are self-serving, but people also tell many lies that are intended to benefit others. benevolent lies are common in close relationships and we tell fewer lies to our intimates than to more casual acquaintances. Most people have lied to their lover this week.

Front 174

deceivers distrust

Back 174

When people lie to others, they often begin to perceive the recipients of the lies as less honest and trustworthy as a result. this seems to occur both because liars assume that other people are just like them so they assume that others share their own deceitful motives, and because they feel better about themselves when they believe their faults are shared by others.

Front 175

lies and liars

Back 175

some people tell more lies than others. Sociable and gregarious people tell more lies. secure people tell fewer lies. people telling important or dangerous lies produce better scripts but they tend to be more suspicious and transparent when deliver the lies

Front 176

what goes wrong when lies are detected?

Back 176

A liars nonverbal behavior gives him or her away. No single cue that indicates someone is lying. Discrepancies and mismatches in the components of a liars nonverbal behavior arouse suspicion

Front 177

so how well can we detect a partners deception?

Back 177

specific changes in person's demeanor indicate that he or she is lying may be quite idiosymeratic. With practice and accurate feedback we can lead to detect deception in a certain partner but that success is limited to a particular person

Front 178

trust bias

Back 178

assume their partner is usually telling the truth. Trust each other. as a result people are sometimes certain that their partners are telling the truth when their partners actually lying

Front 179

lie detectors

Back 179

As a relationship becomes more intimate and trust increases, the partners accuracy in detecting deception in each other doesn't improve. it declines. Liars get away with most lies

Front 180

betrayal

Back 180

are disagreeable, hurtful actions by people we trusted and from whom we reasonably did not expect such misbehavior. Any action that violates the norm of benevolence, trust, loyalty, respect and trustworthiness that support intimate relationships may be considered somewhat treasonous

Front 181

individual differences in betrayal

Back 181

men and women do not differ in their tendencies to betray others. Those who do betray others tend to be unhappy, maladjusted people who are vengeful, resentful, and suspicious of others.

Front 182

the 2 sides to every betrayal

Back 182

those who betray their intimate partners usually underestimate the harm they do. Betrayers often consider their behavior to be inconsequential and innocuous but in almost every case, those who are betrayed think that the betrayal has damaged their relationship.

Front 183

why revenge is a bad idea

Back 183

when we are wronged, we are sometimes vengeful and wish to retaliate. usually a bad idea. The perpetrator and the victim rarely agree on the amount of retribution that just. It's not so bad when i do it but its wrong when you do it. revenge is often impossible to calibrate so that genuine justice is serued. revenge is less fun than we think it is.

Front 184

grudges

Back 184

when we nurse a grudge and thirst of revenge we keep our wound fresh and delay any healing. we stay distressed and surly longer than we would have if we'd just moved on and tried to get over it. spite is costly

Front 185

foregiveness

Back 185

occurs when we give up or perceived right to relate against or hold in our debt, someone who has wronged us. Comes easier to some than to others. Secure and agreeable people more forgiving than insecure or less agreeable people are. Neuroticism impedes forgiveness but self control promote it

Front 186

forgiveness occurs more when:

Back 186

-the offender is genuinely contrite and apologetic

-the victim is alb ego empathize with the offender, being able to imagine why the partner behaved as he or she did

- the victim stops ruminating about the offense

Front 187

forgiveness is beneficial

Back 187

People who are able to forgive their intimate partner, enjoy more well-being, more self-esteem, less hostility, and more satisfaction with life - tan those whom forgiveness is less forthcoming.

Front 188

limits of foregiveness

Back 188

counterproductive when offender is unapologetic but should try and forgive if rarely happens