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79 Cards in this Set
- Front
- Back
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Primary style of loving:
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Eros
Storge Ludos |
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Eros
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Physical love
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Storge
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Companionate love
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Ludos
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Game-playing love
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Secondary styles of loving:
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Mania
Pragma Agape |
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Mania
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possessive love: eros and ludos
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Pragma
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Practical love: storge and ludos
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Agape
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Unselfish love: storge and eros
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Triangular Theory
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Commitment
Passion Intimacy |
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Types of love relationships
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1. consummate - 3 parts of tri
2. companionate - commitment and intimacy 3. fatuous - commitment and passion 4. romantic - intimacy and passion 5. empty- commitment 6. infatuation - passion 7. liking - intimacy 8. nonlove - nothing |
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Liking vs Loving
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Liking: attraction resulting from positive refinforcement from another (Rubin: affection and respect)
Loving: experience some form of emotional arousal and having rationale for labeling that arousal love (Berscheid and Walster), Attachment, Caring, Intimacy (Rubin) |
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Attachment theory
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attachment is an affectional bond or relatively enduring tie "in which the partner is important as a unique individual, interchangeable with one another"
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Key Ideas in Parent-child relationships
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1. innate need to form attachments w/ others
2. interaction w/ caregivers influences how they perceive themselves and others 3. leads to development of mental working models of self and others |
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Model of self
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degree to which a child develops an internalized sense of self-worth that is not dependent on external validation
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Model of others
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degree to which a child expects others to be supportive and accepting
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Developing attachment
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Go through predictable stages in 1st 3 yrs of life: social preference=6 wks old, caregivers=secure bases around 3 mos, seperation anxiety=14-20 mos
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Children's SECURE attachment style
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positive models of self and others... caregiver stimulates just the right amount, responsive to basic needs, consistently caring
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Children's AVOIDANT attachment style
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negative models of others... caregiver over/ under stimulates child, sometimes neglects... learn to fend for themselves
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Children's ANXIOUS-AMBIVALENT attachment style
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negative model of self... inconsistent reponse patterns, parent preoccupied/ stressed
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Adult attachment styles: SECURES
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self-sufficient, comfortable w/ intimacy, seek interdependent relationships... people react to them positively reinforcing positive model of self and others
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Adult attachment styles: PREOCCUPIED
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overly involved and dependent, worry partners don't care enough for them, clingy and jealous... push partners away reinforcing that they are unworthy of love
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Adult attachment styles: DISMISSIVE
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self-sufficient and push others away, uncomfortable w/ intimacy, relationships nonessential... by getting along on their way, they reinforce the idea that they don't need other people to be happy
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Adult attachment styles: FEARFUL
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seek approval from others, fearful of intimacy, relationships painful, trouble opening and trusting... avoid taking risks so they keep themselves from developing the kind of close, positive relationship that will help them feel better about themselves and others
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Biology and socialization differences: WOMEN
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-attracted to relationally oriented men
-show true sexual attitudes, exaggerate level of sex. satisfaction -sex drive more socially flexible -different across diff cultures |
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Biology and socialization differences: MEN
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-experience sex. desire in response to sexy looks, erotic situations
-sex drive more consistent -greater sex expectations on dates than women -think about sex more than wom |
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Factors contributing to sexual attitudes
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Culture, Mass media, Parents, Peers, Past relationships
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Procreational orientation
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sex=producing offspring
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Relational orientation
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sex=expressing love
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Recreational orientation
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sex=fun, escape, excitement, pleasure
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Model of courtship
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1. attention
2. courtship readiness 3. positioning 4. invitations and sexual arousal 5. resolution |
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Intimacy
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relational states and interactions that occur in close relationships: warmth, trust, deep friendship
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Visual/ oculesic behaviors
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eye contact and pupil dilations
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Spacial/ proxemic behaviors
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Intimate - 0-18"
Personal - 1 1/2'-4' Social - 4-10' Public - 10'+ |
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Haptic behaviors
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touch
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Body movement/ kinesics
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smile, open body positions
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Vocalic/ paralinguistic communication
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pitch, volume, rate, tone of voice
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Chronemic behaviors
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use of time
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Aspects of verbal intimacy
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-importance of self-disclosure
-verbal responsiveness -relationship talk -relational language |
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Nonverbal comforting behaviors
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hugs, close proxemic distance, facial expression, attentiveness, increase touch, pats, eye contact
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Person centered messages
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acknowledge, elaborate on, validate feelings of distressed person
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Moderately person centered messages
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acknowledge distressed person, don't help them contextualize/ elaborate on their feelings... get their mind on something else
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Position-centered messages
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deny legitimacy of distressed person's feeling, sometimes blame distressed person or change topic or focus
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Cognitive Valence Theory (CVT)
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emphasizes how people respond to increase in intimacy behavior
Behavior->Perception->Arousal (either low, moderate, or high arousal/fear/stress)->Cognition (cultural, relational, situational appropriateness, personal predispositions, reward, psychological or physical state)->Relational outcomes (positive if all 6, or negative if any 1 of 6) |
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Relational maintenance
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-keeping a relationship at a desired level
-keeping it existing -specified state/ condition |
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Centrifugal perspective
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require maintenance or else they deteriorate
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Centripetal perspective
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relationships automatically maintained unless something tears them apart
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Principles of relational maintenance
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1. variety of strategic and routine behaviors are used
2. people in relationships characterized by high levels of maintenance tend to stay together longer and be more satisfied 3. relationships require different types of maintenance |
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Maintaining romantic relationships
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openness, assurances, positivity used... most effort put into these relationships
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Maintaining cross-sex friendships
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emotional bond, sexual and public presentation challenge
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Maintaining LDRs
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mediated communication as primary maintenance behavior, more positivity and avoidance
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Internal psychological barriers keeping couples together
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1. commitment, obligation, investments
2. strong religious/ moral beliefs 3. self-identity imbedded in relationship 4. parental obligations |
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External psychological barriers
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1. financial considerations
2. legal process 3. social pressures |
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Social Exchange Theory
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1. survival or ending of relationship contingent upon rewards outweighing costs
2. people compare current relationships w/ potential relationships |
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Categories of rewards and costs
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1. emotional
2. instrumental 3. social 4. opportunity |
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Emotional rewards/ costs
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Rewards:
-positive feelings (love, warmth) Costs: -negative feelings (anger, hurt, stress) |
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Instrumental rewards/ costs
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Revolve around tasks
Rewards: partner manages finances Costs: having to do majority of housework |
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Opportunity rewards/ costs
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Rewards: being able to do something that you could not otherwise do.
Costs: having to give up something you want for the sake of your relationship |
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Social rewards/ costs
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Rewards: engaging in fun activites w/ someone and meeting interesting people
Costs: having to attend partners boring work meetings |
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Honeymoon Bias
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rewards tend to be overestimated when couples first fall in love
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Egocentric Bias
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people overestimate costs in comparison to their partners' costs
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Outcomes
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overall level of profit or deficit in a relationship.. rewards-costs. Relationships=rewarding when outcomes=positive
Costly when outcomes=negative |
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Comparison levels
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standard people use to evaluate their relationships.
Outcome-CL=Satisfaction |
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CL of Alternatives
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expectations people have about the kind of outcomes they could have in an alternative situation (diff relationship or being alone), helps explain why some people stay in bad relationships
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Poor alternatives + Meet/ exceed CL
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satisfied, committed
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Good alt + meet/ exceed CL
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not committed, satisfied
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Poor alt + fails to meet CL
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committed, not satisfied
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Good alt + failts to meet CL
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not satisfied, not committed
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Investment model
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resources that become attached to a relationship and would decline in value or be lost if the relationship were to end
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Intrinsic investments
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resources put directly into relationship
ex. time, effort, affection |
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Extrinsic investments
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resources developed over time as result of relationship
ex. material possessions, new social group |
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Entrapment
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psychological state of dissonance that causes people to resist abandoning a relationship in which they have invested a lot of resources
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Expanded Investment Model
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Decide to remain
Accomodating your partner Derogating alternatives Willing to make sacrifices Perceving relationship superiority |
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Equity Theory
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compares ratio of contributions vs. benefits for each parter... tells if the distribution of resources is fair to both partners
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Principles of Equity Theory
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1. individuals try to maximize their outcomes
2. people in groups will develop rules for distributing resources fairly 3. people reward those who treat them equal and punish those who treat them unequal 4. individuals will experience distress when in unequal relationships |
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Inequity
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when one partner is getting a worse deal in comparison to the other
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Equity leads to...
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happiness, satisfaction, fairness, appreciation
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Under-benefittedness leads to...
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frustration, anger, disappointment, dissatisfaction
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Over-benefittedness leads to...
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feelings of guilt
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Relieves stress in relationships by:
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1. restore equity through behavioral change
2. restore psychological equity 3. end relationship |
