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68 Cards in this Set

  • Front
  • Back
level of closeness is
what sets relationships apart. proximity or how people feel
1. physical
2. emotional
3. relational
4. communicating
physical
amount of spatial proximity and physical contact people have
emotional
having shared experiences, trust, enjoyment, concern, caring in a relationship (deep convo)
relational
interdependence. exchange resources; influence thoughts, behaviors, and emotions. meet each others needs. discuss life lessons.
communicating closeness
you can be emotionally close without being physically close. closeness is reflected in three ways:
1. affectionate communication
2. immediacy behavior
3. social support
affectionate communication

a. paradox of affection
1. behavior that portrays feelings of fondness and positive regard.
2. both a need and an emotion

a. affection can also backfire for example, if one shows affection too early in a relationship it can scare people away.
ways to communicate affection
1. direct and verbal affectionate communication
2. direct and nonverbal affectionate communication
3. indirect and nonverbal affectionate communication
1. direct and verbal affectionate communication
an "i love you" note
1. self disclosure
2. direct emotional expression
3. compliments and praise
4. assurances
1. self disclosure
2. direct emotional expression
3. compliments and praise
4. assurances
1. communicating openly about one's feelings and beliefs. shared knowledge.
2. people communicate with "i love you" "you make me happy." the directness can be risky.
3. you're handsome, you're good at basketball
4. assurances aka relationship talk: direct messages about. "i want to see you again" but they can also frighten a person who does not share the same relationship definition.
2. direct and nonverbal affectionate communication

a. social meaning model of nonverbal communication
1. physical contact and distancing
2. eye behavior
3. vocalic behavior

a. some nonverbal behavior has strong consensual meaning across different contexts. smiling means friendliness, hugs communicate affection.
1. physical contact and distancing
2. eye behavior
3. vocalic behavior
1. holding hands, kissing, sitting close. men and body slams to show friendship
2. prolonged, focused eye contact shows affection. people who give more eye contact increase liking of themselves and relax others.
3. speaking tenderly, in a warm voice, laughing all are affectionate. men are more affectionate with lower voices. women more affectionate with higher voices.
3. indirect and nonverbal affectionate communication
1. support behaviors
2. idiomatic behaviors
1. support behaviors
2. idiomatic behaviors
1. giving someone emotional or instrumental support. giving food after a pregnancy, helping someone with their car. someone one is not as close to may not be someone we may help.
2. "have a specific meaning only to people in a particular relationship" twitching nose to show you're special, "inside joke gestures." "kissing hands with neha"
identity
the person we think we are and communicate to others.
1. theory of self that is formed and maintained through actual or imagined interpersonal agreement about what self is like.
social identity theory
an explanation for how our identities are developed and how we maintain our self view.
1. membership is in group behavior that signal membership and define someone as being a part of a group or as a outsider.
2. how central a group is to our self view makes a big difference.
communication theory of identity (frames)
- identity construction can be viewed through four frames of identity or lenses
1. personal frame: the image and characteristics we create of ourselves.
2. enactment of communication frame: develop created through communication with others.
3. relationship frame: your identity might be shaped by the kind of girlfriend, friend, son or daughter you are.
4. communal frame: how we are constrained by cultural or group identities regarding the "right" way to behave.
self esteem
1. how positively or negatively we view ourselves.
2. Jane may think partying is cool but ally may think it sucks because its interfering with her school work.
self expansion theory
explains how identity influences the development of close relationships after first impressions are made.
1. people want to broaden their experiences and extend their identities "trying new things"
2. people enter relationships to expand identity. its important for both individuals to have strong self-identities that can grow from new experiences that each partner's identity brings.
3. relationships success depends on the ability of a relationship to expand the partners' experiences and sense of self. avoid stagnation and routine with pursuing ones own interests separately and being able to occasionally introduce a partner to these things.
hierarchical structure of identity
1. our identities provide us with a hierarchical structure of who we are. the more central they are the more stable they will appear across our lifetime.
looking glass self
1. feedback from others helps develop our own identities
2. the way people treat us is reflected in the way we see ourselves.
feedback and identity
1. our identity helps us interpret feedback from others
2. our identities affect how we perceive others' feedback
3. people who think they're attractive might take a negative comment as envy. a 21 year old who is still adopting an identity may struggle when a friend says drinking is irresponsible.
self fulfilling prophecy
occurs when an expectation exists that something will happen , and a person behaves in a way (subconsciously) that actually makes it more likely that the anticipated event will occur.
the dramaturgical perspective of Goffman
1. theater to describe our actions. we are constantly performing for audiences with the purpose of advancing a beneficial image of ourselves
Goffman conditions
1. the behavior reflects highly valued aspects of self. we are more concerned with our impression when its about something that is a less central aspects.
2. successful performance is tied to vital positive/negative consequences: if your success in a VALUED relationship depends on your ability to convince your partner of commitment, the importance of impression management efforts heighten.
3. the behavior reflects directly on valued rules of conduct: some people believe that engaging in conflict in a public setting is inappropriate.
-------
1. front stage versus back stage: front where the play is, back where we can let our guard down.
a. wings: we find materials and individuals that assist us in giving a successful performance.
2. role, audience and context: for example: kids would feel like cussing is front stage with friends, back stage with parents.
3. we expect other people to accept our identities we show them and to help us save face when we accidentally display an undesired image.
politeness theory

-- theory rests on four assumptions
- focuses on the specific ways that people manage and save face using communication.
1. positive face: favorable image that people portray to others and hope to have validated by others.
2. reflects our desire to be free from imposition and restraint and to have control over [our] own territory, possessions, time, space, and resources.
A. assumption that threats to positive and negative face are a part of social interaction. people struggle between what they want to do and what they need to do to look good. balance is good!
B. the assumption that positive and negative faces can be validated or threatened by interaction. validated when the feedback validates the image one is trying to portray.
* Face-threatening acts: an act that threatens either their positive or negative face desires. forgetting a dinner date with your significant other is a self inflicted threat to your positive face as a caring partner.
C. both members of a interaction are typically motivated to avoid threatening either their own or the interaction partner's face needs. we generally try to avoid making others look bad
- people that are often shunned or disliked may not follow this assumption
- not all threats are equally bad
FTA is perceived more severe by 6 criteria:
1. the more important rule that is violated, the more severe (bday party)
2. more harm it can produce = more severe, a lie vs. a little white lie.
3. the more the actor is directly responsible for the behavior, the more severe the FTA... cant use card because its expired vs. because you havent made your payments.
4. the more of an imposition the behavior is more severe: someone that asks you to help them move furniture versus someone that asks you to write down their a phone number
5. the power the receiver has over the sender: a silly comment to a boss vs. a friend
6. the larger the social distance between sender and receiver, the more severe: probably worried less about a face threat from a friend vs. acquaintance.
facework strategies (manage face needs)
1. bald on-record strategy: primary attention to task versus to helping someone save face.
2. positive politeness strategy: address a receiver's positive face while accomplishing the task. a compliment on hair before a request.
3. negative politeness strategy: address the receiver's negative face: you wouldn't mind lending me your car. gives freedom of receiver to decline
4. going off-record strategy: primary attention to face versus the task. inefficient, hinting.
5. people can decide not to engage in FTA: decide to say nothing.
preventive / corrective facework:
1. preventive facework: efforts to avoid or minimize potential face threat. frame the message in friendlier terms.
2. disclaimer:
a. hedging ( I may be off here but..)
b. credentialing: (im your father so..)
c. sin license: (well since we're all disclosing embarrassing sit)
d. cognitive disclaimer ( I know you're going to think I've lost it, but..)
e. appeal for suspended judgment (hear me out before jumping to conclusions)
3. verbal self handicapping: people offer an excuse that serves to minimize the face threat of a potentially poor performance. (inform her team captain of a knee injury she has suffered) self handicapping tactics often become self fulfilling prophecies because they offer the individual a reason not to do as well as possible.
4. corrective face work: efforts to repair an identity already damaged by something that was said or done
6 corrective FTA strats
1. avoidance: pretend the act never happened
2. humor: if its small
3. apologies: admissions of responsibility and regret for undesirable events.
4. accounts: excuses, peer pressure, explanation
5. physical remediation: quickly clean up a coffee spill on the table
6. aggression: "watch where you're going" dating violence often follows a perception of face threats.
types of attraction
1. physical attraction: we like a persons look
2. social attraction: we would like to hang out.. they would fit into our circle of friends.
3. task attraction: desire to work with someone to complete a project
halo effect
tendency to perceive physically attractive people are more sociable.
fatal attraction
when the very qualities that we like about someone eventually contribute to the relational breakup
1. being attracted to ones opposite might be exciting short term but it may wear thin over time
2. being fun, exciting or easygoing. humor can turn to dislike ultimately.
3. narcissism: pervasive pattern of self focus and self importance.
social evolutionary theory
women are more attracted more to older men with more resources, while men typically are drawn to younger women in their reprooductive prime. men are more easily influenced by physical appearance, while women attend more closely to personality, resources and compatibility.
variables related to attraction
1. perceptions of reward value: companionship, affection, sex, fun.
2. expectations: show if a persons actions are seen as usual or unusual. b. our expectations of other people lead us to treat them in ways that make it more likely that they will confirm our expectations.
3. demographic characteristics: a. sex differences: men and women differ in what they find attractive.
b. gender roles: women that are more feminine are more attracted to macho men.
c. sexual orientation and age: with age people show remarkable consistency with whom they find attractive.
4. Personality:
a. attachment style: how people view themselves and their relationships with others
i. secure individuals are comfortable alone and in a relationship
ii. dismissive individuals: prefer to be alone
iii. fearful avoidant individuals: fear intimacy and lack self confidence
iii. preoccupied individuals want intimacy and fear being alone
b. relationship beliefs
i. destiny beliefs: based on the idea that first impressions of others are fixed and enduring and that people cannot change
ii. growth beliefs: based on the belief that impressions of others evolve over time and that people in relationships grow when faced with challenges
iii. self esteem: studies show how people feel about themselves strongly influences whom they find attractive. those who have high self esteem consistently find others more attractive than those whose self esteem is low. people with high self esteem recognize the need to boost their self image after receiving bad news. the more likely time that people are likely to be attracted to others is after experiencing a failure.
iiii. narcissism: having an exaggerated sense of self importance and a focus on oneself at the expense of others. narcissists are attracted to those that admire them.
characteristics of beauty
1. coloring: eye, skin, hair color. based often on what a culture sees as scarce.
2. weight: in U.S. thinness is prized because it means that a person has resources to eat healthy food and stay in shape (i like heavier, muscular guys because that says they have food, they exercise versus stay inside and waste away.. same with tan skin.. they get outside)
3. Height: women like men that are taller.. men like women that are shorter.

A. Body and facial symmetry
B. Body proportionality and the golden ratio (1.618 golden ratio)
C. waist to hip ratio : women waist are 70 percent of the hips and men, waist and hips are equal
D. koiophilia: average faces are "more attractive". an image of a mix of different faces is more attractive than any single face.
E. facial neoteny and maturity: babylike and mature features in one (large eyes, full lips, high cheekbones, man with large eyes, small nose and strong jawline)
assimilation
some of the attention that physically attractive people get spills over to their friends through what is called the assimilation effect.
loss-gain effect
reflects what happens to attraction when a persons behavior moves from positive to negative or from negative to positive. people are more attracted to people who are more consistently negative than to people who initially behave positively and then switch to negative behavior.
reinforcement model
we are attracted to similar other because they reinforce our view of the world as the correct perspective.
matching hypothesis
our tendency to be attracted to people who are similar to us in physical attractiveness.
egotism
our affinity for similar others may go to absurd lengths. we are attracted to others based on similarity on the most arbitrary things.
similarity/ complimentary
1. attitudinal similarity
a. people are similar in their attitudes, beliefs, and values. participants are more attracted to bogus strangers that are similar to them.
b. reinforcement model: we are attracted to similar other because they reinforce our view of the world as the correct perspective
2. similarity in communication skills

a. the differential importance explanation: those with low communication skill may not be looking for one with high communication skill
b. the ignorance is bliss explanation: low skill individuals are happy with their low skill partner because theyre not aware partners communicate better than they do
c. the sour grapes explanation: people who are poor in communication are aware and settle for partners with lower social skills.
d. the skill as culture explanation: what some people consider to be poor communication other may see as effective communication. sometimes low levels of expressiveness may be a good thing.

3. similarity in physical attractiveness: matching hypothesis
a. people want to date others who are more attractive than they are but realistically recognize that physically attractive individuals are likely to have many options and are somewhat selective about whom they date.

4. similarity in names and birth dates (implicit egotism)

--------
1. sometimes opposites attract
a. complementarity: seems to be a much better predictor of attraction and liking when it is linked to behavior or resources and not attitudes and values (religion).

2. dissimilarity may be great for partners we don't see as long term mates
3. similarity or complementarity depends on the goals one has for the relationship.
excitation transfer
people mistake the cause of their emotional arousal
proximity and attraction
1. proximity gives people the opportunity to meet and be attracted to one another.
2. tendency for people to develop romantic relationships and friendships with people from the workplace.
types of uncertainty
1. uncertainty: the inability to predict or explain someones attitudes of behaviors.
2. high uncertainty: feeling unsure
3. low uncertainty: when people feel confident in their ability to predict and explain someone's behavior.

A. self uncertainty: peoples own feelings about how involved they want to be in the relationship
B. partner uncertainty: feel uncertain about their partners feelings and intentions
C. relationship uncertainty: having questions about the state of the relationship
uncertainty reduction theory
what happens during initial interactions. the first comm theory about understanding uncertainty in relational contexts.
1. are people always motivated to reduce uncertainty?
2. how do people manage uncertainty?
3. does information always decrease uncertainty?
predicted outcome value theory
based on the idea that people are not driven by a need to reduce uncertainty in all cases. whether we seek info is based on whether the outcome value is positive or negative.

1. outcome value relates to people's predictions about how rewarding or unrewarding future interactions with a particular person would be.

2. people are judged with high outcome value is they are more rewarding.

3. low outcome value, poeple are perceived to be less rewarding than other potential partners.
uncertainty management theory
"uncertainty is not something that is inherently good or bad but something that is managed."

- uncertainty only produces negative emotions like anxiety.

1. sometimes we prefer to have some uncertainty in our relationships
2. some people fear that more information might confirm their worst fears such as the relationship does not have a future.
theory of motivated information management
1. starts with the idea that people prefer uncertainty in some situations and certainty in others.

-whether people decide to reduce uncertainty depends on:

a. outcome expectancy: refers to whether the outcome of information search is expected to be positive or negative

b. efficacy assessments: focus on whether people feel they are able to gather the info for which they are searching and then cope with it.

A. some people wanted more uncertainty, not less

B. those who wanted to reduce uncertainty did so only when their expectations needed them to do so.
strategies for reducing uncertainty
1. passive strategies: works in an informal setting vs. formal. observing from a distance clothes, actions.

2. active strategies: mini experiments conducted with the intent of seeking info about the target
- leaving their partner alone with an attractive roommate
- second type involves asking third parties about the person in question.
3. interactive strategies: direct contact between the information seeker and the target. nonverbal cues. positive feedback to his gesture.
expectancy violations theory
how people react to violations of personal space

1. predictive expectancies: tell people what to expect in a given situation based on what normally occurs in the particular context or relationship. his expectations for "on-time" arrival is very different for different people he knows

A. positive or negative interpretation of a behavior
B. the rewardingness of the partner : if you see terry as a good person than your response to his expectancy violation will be different than if you saw him as a deceptive person.

C. unexpected events in relationships
1. criticism of a partner
2. escalation: i love you
3. relationship de-escalation: decreased intimacy level
4. uncharacteristic relational behavior: actions that are not consistent with how a person defines the relatioinship
5. uncharacteristic social behavior: actions in a weird context (mild mannered woman yelling at a salesperson)
6. transgressions: actions that are violations of rules like having an affair
7. acts of devotion: actions that imply the person really views the partner and the relationship as being "special"
8. acts of disregard: actions that imply that the person considers their partner and the relationship as unimportant
9. gestures of inclusion: actions that show an unexpected desire to include the partner in the person's activities or life.





2. prescriptive expectancies: tell people what to expect based on general rules of appropriateness.
cultural norms.
3. communicator characteristics: individual differences including age, sex, ethnic background, and personality traits. elderly woman to be polite

4. relational characteristics: refer to how close we are to someone what type of relationships we share. i love you from a romantic partner is expected.

5. context: both the social situation and cultural influences.
the model of relational turbulence/
model of relational turbulence: the idea of that the transition from casual dating to commitment is a turbulent period.
1. increase commitment?
2. are they in the way of my goals?
model of relational uncertainty
1. foundations: identify aspects that influence relational uncertainty
2. outcomes: the consequences that relational uncertainty has for the individuals within the relationship itself
3. individual characteristics: summarizes the work on personality differences (need for closure)
4. relational qualities: impact relational uncertainty include the degree of face to face exchanges and intimacy. (long distance = more relational uncertainty)
5. cognitive outcomes: heightened awareness of partner characteristics
6. emotional outcomes: people with less emotional uncertainty tend to have more positive experiences in relationships
7. communicative outcomes: less willingness to be direct about relationship concerns, more hesitation in the language used if they are uncertain.

1. foundations <---> outcomes
\ relational uncertainty /
types of closeness in relationships
1. physical: proximity
2. emotional: sense of shared experiences, caring and concern.
3. relational closeness: interdependence people share. exchange resources
affectionate communication
behavior that portrays feelings of fondness and positive regard to another
paradox of affection
affection can backfire if shown too early
1. direct an verbal affectionate communication
2. direct and nonverbal affectionate communication
1. A. self disclosure
B. i love you - direct expression
C. compliments
D. assurance ( i want to see you)
2. A physical contact and eye distancing
B. eye behavior: prolonged eye contact = increased liking
C. volcalic beavior: lower, higher voice with more afffection

3. Indirect and nonverbal
A. support: giving emotional supprt
B. Idiomatic behavior: inside jokes
Affection exchange theory
based on the idea that affection communication is biologically adaptive behavior that evolved because it helps people provide and obtain valuable resources necessary for survival.

1. affection commm. helps people maintain and develop relationships for resources which allows for survival

2. affection comm. are more able to be a good parent when percieved

3. people are motivated to show affectionate communication to people who serve one of two basic evolutionary needs
a. viability (motivation to survive)
b. fertility (motivation to procreate and pass on one's genes)
naive theory of affection
means that they can see affection as a limited resource for which they must compete (adults with children)
immediacy behaviors
actions that signal warmth, communicate availability, promote involvement between people
verbal immediacy
word choice (we)
forms of address (nicknames)
depth of disclosure
relationship indicators (roommate, girlfriend)
nonverbal immediacy
-oculesics: more eye contact, pupil dilation
-spatial/ proxemics: intimate (inches) personal, (1-4) social (4-10) public (10+).
-haptics:level of touch
-kinesics: smiling, gestures, nodding, posture
- body synchrony: good vibes from smooth interaction
- volcalics: pitch, tone of voice. high pitched= intimacy
-chronemic behaviors: way people used time. spending time means a lot in our culture so that means that a person wants to develop that relationship.
cognitive valence theory
explains why people respond to increases in immediacy positively sometimes and negatively at other times.
1. culture
2. personality
3. reward of partner
4. the relationship
5. the situation
6. temporary states
cvt behavior--> other person must percieve it----> arousal in positive or negative emotions ---> reaction from COGNition
1. culture
2. personality. extroverted, pda, new experience.
3. rewardingness: touch from a hot person is percieved differently than from one thats eh,
4. relationship:friend, lover. these set appropriate boundaries
5. situation or context: classroom versus hotel room.
6. temporary states : bad days, good days. we react differently on different days.
positive valencing = more positive outcomes.
positive valencers are the 6 above
comfort and social support
1. invisible support:attempts that go unnoticed by the reciever. everyday fabric
2. practical support: giving concrete advice
3. emotional support: helping the partner feel better without solving the problem
responsiveness
the degree which a message communicates understanding, caring, and validation of one's partner.
person centered messages
highly person centered so they acknowledge, elaborate on and validate the feelings and concerns of the distressed person.
nonverbal immediacy, important touch
hugs,
sitting close,
facial expressions
attentiveness
increased miscellaneous touch