Interpersonal Communication

Front 1

how people develop form and develop new relationships:

Back 1

1. communication skills
2. friendship formation skills

Front 2

communication skills

Back 2

1. skill in relationship initiation
2. skill in self disclosure
3. skill in the provision of emotional support
4. skill in negative assertion
5. skill in conflict management

Front 3

1. skill in relationship initiation

Back 3

people know how to approach others and make good first impressions, inviting others places.

Front 4

2. skill in self disclosure

Back 4

reveling personal information from one person to another. they know whats appropriate

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3. skill in the provision of emotional support

responsiveness:

Back 5

being able to provide others with emotional support, LISTEN

** responsiveness: communication style that shows care, concern and liking. warm, other-centered.

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4. skill in negative assertion

Back 6

skill in this area helps people reveal more negative sides of themselves while "saving face"

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5. skill in conflict management

Back 7

in the beginning people are often refrain from negative behavior. better listen, better ability to step in anothers shoes, better ability to refrain from getting too hostile.

Front 8

how people form and develop new relationships:
2. friendship formation strategies.

Back 8

*people with these skills will use different strategies to make new friends.

1. proximity is important in establishing a relationship
2. people can use online and social networking sights.
3. introductions and invitations are what people use to form new relationships
4. a. enhance ones appearance
b. display similarity
c. being accepting and responsive
d. self disclosing personal information at appropriate levels

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II. Self Disclosure

Back 9

occurs hen people reveal something about themselves to others

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1. dimensions of self disclosure
a. social penetration theory
i. 6 dimensions

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a. self disclosure increases gradually as people develop their relationships
i. 1. depth and breadth
2. frequency and duration
3. valence and veracity

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1. depth and breadth

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depth: how personal or deep communication is

breadth: captures how many topics a person feels free to discuss

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2. frequency and duration

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frequency: how often people disclose

duration: how long people self disclose, you might sit next to someone for the entire duration of the flight

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3. valence and veracity

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valence: positive or negative charge of the self disclosure. (fears or unhappy memories, has a negative valence).
veracity: how honest or deceptive the self disclosure is.

*honest self disclosure is the only path for developing closeness.

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2. risks associated with self disclosure

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1. fear of exposure or rejection
2. fear of retaliation or angry attacks
3. fear of loss of control
4. fear of losing individuality

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1. fear of exposure or rejection

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people worry that too much disclosure will expose their negative qualities and cause others to think badly of them, like them less and or reject/abandon them.

one reason we fear intimacy is that those we care about most are bound to discover all that is wrong with us. -ex. whenever she got close enough to a man they would abandon her because she projected this perfect image in the beginning.

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2. fear of retaliation or angry attacks

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people worry their partner may get angry and use what they disclose against them.

- if you disclose you "tune out" then later they may say that they're not really listening when they're disclosing personal information.

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3. fear of loss of control

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people worry that if there is too much self disclosure they will lose control of their own thoughts and feelings, or others thoughts and feelings.

conner fell in love with anne after a few weeks but did not tell anne for fear she may run away.

anne wouldnt tell conner it would not work because shes afraid to cry.

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4. fear of losing individuality

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some fear losing their personal identity and being engulfed in the relationship.

a great fear is that we could "literally disappear" if we become too involved.

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3. self disclosure and liking
a. disclosure liking hypothesis
b. liking disclosure hypothesis

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a. predicts that when a sender discloses to a receiver, the receiver will like the sender more.
b. predicts that people will disclose more to receivers they like.

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1. too much disclosure too early can
2. indiscriminant disclosure is
3. negative responses to disclosure

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1. lead to disliking
2. less likely to lead to liking (indiscriminant meaning telling everyone)
3. reduce liking

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4. reciprocity of self disclosure
a. dyadic effect
i. people feel naturally inclined to reciprocate

Back 21

a. reciprocal self-disclosure
i. levels of self-disclosure

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III. Stages of relationships development

Back 22

1. initiating
2. experimenting
3. intensifying
4. integrating
5. bonding
6. ordering and timing

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1. initiating

Back 23

1. orientation stage: in social penetration theory
2. initiating stage: knapp model.
a. low in depth and breadth
b. back and forth exchange of superficial information that allows to decrease uncertainty.
c. first few minutes have a long influence on if and how the relationship develops.

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2. experimenting

a. small talk

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1. moving beyond the superficial stage
2. exploratory affective stage (increasing breadth and frequency)
3. small talk: communication that is high in breadth, low in depth.
a. lays the foundation for more personal disclosure.
- this is also the stage where people can decide if they want to terminate the relationship

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3. intensifying

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a. some leave experimenting stage feeling a sense of connection and trust
b. valence and duration may change which atman calls affective exchange stage
c. nicknames, forms of endearment "we" "I."
d. three most common intensification stages:
a. increased contact
b. talking about the state of the relationship (relationship negotiation)
c. social support and assistance (asking someone for advice and support)

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4. integrating

* stable exchange stage

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a. by this time they have already become close
b. ready to be a dyad or couple.
c. tastes, opinions and attitudes may merge.
d. joint bank account
e. stable exchange stage : people disclose openly about anything
- there is often one topic many do not discuss.

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5. bonding

Back 27

a. partners find a way to publicly commit to each other (marriage)

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6. ordering and timing

Back 28

a. people do not always move through these stages in an orderly manner.

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IV. First dates and cohabitation

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1. first dates
a. initiating first dates
b. expectations and goals on first dates
2. cohabitation
a. relationships stability
b. relational quality
c. communication patterns

Front 30

1. first dates
a. initiating first dates

Back 30

a. used to be "calling" where man invited himself to the womans house with food.
b. now "dating" men are in charge.
c. men are still, for the most part, in the initiating stages
d. a new thing is where partners meet in groups and spread out.
e. women who asked men were perceived to more extroverted, liberal, open and LESS attractive than a girl who waited.

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b. expectations and goals on first dates

Back 31

a. having fun and reducing uncertainty
b. investigating romantic potential
c. developing friendships
d. engaging in sexual activity
*these goals influence the communication styles


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a. reducing uncertainty (fun, just like wanting to have a good time) (reducing uncertainty just to find out more about another person)
b. determine if there are romantic feelings
c. if two people have enough in common to be friends and do things together
d. kissing and having sex

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2. cohabitation

Back 32

2. living together without being married.

Front 33

a. relationships stability
i. selection effect

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a. marriage more stable than co-habitating relationships because cohab is more loose.
i. people who choose to cohabit rather than marry have certain preexisting personal characteristics and attitudes that make it less likely that their relationship will last.
- these attitudes are a greater acceptance of divorce and premarital sex, stronger needs for autonomy (personal space) and more negative feelings about marriage.
*couples who cohabit are more likely to get divorced than couples that marry.

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b. relational quality

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a. cohabiting couples may be more likely to break up because they're less relationally satisfied
b. time in the relationship may be a much better predictor than whether a couple lived together before marriage

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c. communication patterns

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a. time may also be a better predictor of communication
b. cohabiting couples were much worse off than married couples. cohabiting reported violence.
c. cohabiting couples who plan to marry were much better off.
d. couples who cohabit that are afraid of commitment creates dangerous situations.

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V. the turning point approach
a. turning point
b. turning point approach
c. turning point analysis

Back 36

a. any event of occurrence that is associated with change in a relationship.
b. emphasizes events that stand out in people's minds as having the strongest impact on their relationships (how we met, anniversaries, pictures).
c. scholars ask people to identify events that changed their relationships. (ups and downs)

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V. the turning point approach
different kinds of turning points

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1. communication based turning points
2. activities and special occasions
3. events related to passion and romance
4. events related to commitment and exclusivity
5. changes in families and social networks
6. proximity and distance
7. crisis and conflict
8. perceptual changes

Front 38

1. communication based turning points
a. get to know time:
b. quality communication:

Back 38

the act of communication could be a turning point

a. get to know time: initial interactions and focuses on the quantity rather than quality of communication and time spent together.
b. quality communication: focuses on special times when two people have high quality interactions, such as an especially long and intimate conversation.

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2. activities and special occasions

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a. meeting family
b. going on trips

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3. events related to passion and romance
a. passionate events
b. romantic relationship transition

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a. first kiss
b. point or period when the relationship changes from platonic to romantic.

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4. events related to commitment and exclusivity
a. exclusivity
b. external competition
c. serious commitment

Back 41

a. when people decide to date only each other and drop all other rivals
b. when a person feels threatened by a third party or activity that is taking up a lot of a partners time. work, an ex.
c. moving in together or getting married

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5. changes in families and social networks
a. change in household configuration
b. new family members
c. interference from romantic partner

Back 42

a. mixing two families after divorce
causes confusion
b. a new baby
c. can cause decreased friendship and closeness with friends.

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6. proximity and distance

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a. physical separation and reunion from business trips, kids needing distance (rebellious) or from friends moving in as roommates and not getting along.

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7. crisis and conflict
a. disengagement and conflict
b. time of crisis
c. sacrifice or support

Back 44

a. a couples first big fight. breakups.
b. illness, death, accidents, financial problems normally brings families closer.
c. being there to support and comfort each other in times of crisis. helping one after a failure.

Front 45

8. perceptual changes
a. positive psychic change
b. negative psychic change

Back 45

a. when attitudes and behavior become more positive. anne sees conner as more attractive.
b. negative psychic change: partner suddenly sees the relationship as more boring.