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31 Cards in this Set
- Front
- Back
- 3rd side (hint)
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What is commitment?
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the short-term decision to love one another and the long-term decision to maintain it.
a feeling/belief that the relationship has a future and the desire to continue it into the future. |
do you want to take the relationship into the future?
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3 dimensions of commitment:
name, define, and give an example |
1. attraction (want to commitment) based on the draw towards the person and the relationship. ex) they're a great guy and the relationship makes you feel good.
2. constraining (have to commitment) is a barrier force that keeps a person in a relationship because of the negative consequences that would come from breaking up. ex) kids 3. moral-normative (ought to commitment) is staying in a relationship because you feel obligated. ex) you made a promise (marriage), you got them pregnant so you feel like you should stay with them. |
1. want to
2. have to 3. outght to |
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Give 3 examples of behaviors associated with the attraction dimension of commitment
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1. talking about future plans with your partner
2. investing more time/energy in the relationship 3. identifying with the relationship: "we" instead of "I" 4. perceiving fewer positive alternatives 5. investment in the relationship 6. accepting responsibility for your commitment |
1. Let's go to Italy next summer.
2. planning a party for your bf's best friend 3. "we" instead of "I" 4. I'm not even attracted to other guys anymore. 5. buying things together, intimacy trophies. 6. i'm committed b/c i want to be. |
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What does it mean to say that the use of personal idioms presupposes "a local cultural identity"?
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intimate speech is like having your own culture because people who are not in the relationship do not understand what you are saying, or they may understand but don't know the whole history behind it.
ex) having a secret language with a sibling, inside jokes |
ex) having a secret language with a sibling, inside jokes
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4 advantages of intimate persuaders
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1. you know them well enough to know what angle to use
2. repeated opportunities: you have a lot of chances to persuade them. 3. implicit trust: you already have their trust so they'll believe you. 4. obligation to comply |
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token resistance
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when you say no but mean yes. it's considered token because cultural expectations say we shouldn't hook up with people right away or with lots of people.
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"i normally never do this"
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Duck's relational dissolution model: name define, and give an example of the communication that occurs
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1. intra-psychic phase: assessment of the other person's behavior and evaluating the extent to which that behavior provides a justification for terminating the relationship. ex) I'm over this, he sucks. I should break up with him.
2. Dyadic phase: the partners discuss the percieved problems associated with the relationship. The major question is whether the relationship should be repaired, changed, or ended. ex) "we need to talk..." oh shit. 3. Social phase: the participants conern themselves with the public acknowledgement to their social networks that the relationship is being dissolved. ex) call your friends and tell them you broke up. "i need a drink." 4. Gave-dressing phase: physically, psychologically, and socially ending the relationship. Getting over it, formulation of breakup story. ex) "looking back i'm really glad we're not together, that wasn't a healthy relationship." |
4 phases total
1. "i hate how he always picks his nose, and he never buys me anything anymore... This blows." 2. "it's not you, it's me" 3. "i know you're friends with him too, but now that we're broken up you need to chose sides" 4. "i broke up with him because things just weren't working out. i'm so totally ovah it though." |
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Cody's strategies for initiating breakups
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1. positive tone
ex) "you're a great guy, and i'm really really sorry but i think we should just be friends" 2. Negative identity management ex) "i think we should see other people for a while." "it's unfair to you for me to stay in the relationship" 3. Justification: explaining how you feel and why you want to end the relationship. ex) "i'm just not growing as an individual and i need some time alone." 4. Behavioral de-escalation ex) i'm just not going to call you anymore and hope you dissapear... 5. de-escalation: opens up the possibility of getting back together ex) "let's take a break" "i think we should break up" |
5 strategies
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Knapp and Vangelisti's 2 metaphors for relationship dissolution. What do the metaphors imply about breaking up?
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1. sudden death
2. slow bleeding death used death metaphors because breaking up is very painful. |
breaking up with eddie was quick and easy, but still sucked.
breaking up with kris was soooo slow and painful. 1 year! ahhhh! |
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double-shot hypothesis
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men are more upset by sexual infidelity because they believe women who are sexually unfaithful probably will also be emotionally unfaithful.
Women are more upset by emotional infidelity because they assume they're probably also being sexually unfaithful. |
If I hooked up with another guy, Nick would freak, but when that stupid bitch from his work made him a cd oh that shit is so ovah.
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relationship between the academic calander and relational dissolution
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student relationships usually end right before winter and summer break. probably because everyone is so stressed out from finals and because they know they can do better than USF boys because they are l-a-m-e LAME.
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sex and finals are a no go.
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what criticisms do researchers have of linear models of relational dissolution?
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They don't think that relationships end because of one event, life isn't that smooth.
This isn't true though because the majority of the time friendships end with this model. |
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2 ways that friendship dissolution is different from romantic dissolution.
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1. friendships often end because of external causes (a new bf, a new school, etc)
2. in a romantic relationship you need the other person's permission to break up |
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Fischer's term to describe the importance of narratives
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homonarrans: we're primarily a story telling species
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what is a narrative?
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it has to have a begining, middle, and end, characters, and a climax
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main findings of Kellas and Manusov (2003) regarding narrative completeness and relational adjustment
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1. people who are coping well with the relationship are able to provide a more coherant narrative about the breakup
2. people who give more complete narratives have more self worth (confidence), regardless of who broke up with who. |
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what are post-dissolutional relationships and why are they important to study?
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post-dissolutional relationships are relationships people have after they've broken off their romanitic relationship.
they are important to study because often times after a romantic relationship ends, the relationship doesn't end entirely because people stay friends or have to work together or whatever. |
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what 2 findings from Lannutti and Cameron (2002) contradicted previous research on post-dissolutional relationships?
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previous research said that if you're friends first then you are more likely to stay friends after breaking up. What L&C found is that personal variables (how unique the relationship was, how much you liked the person) is what really mattered, and not structural variables (working together, same school, etc)
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how can helpfulness be considered a destructive relational pattern?
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over-helping: helping someone for your own benefit or helping to point where their success is attributed to you.
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cross complaining
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going back and forth with different complaints
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"you're dumb"
"you're lazy" "you're fat" "you stink!" |
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criticism frozen in time
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when you do something wrong and your partner keeps bringing it up forever. uses the past as a weapon to prove you'll always be who you used to be.
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"you can't do our taxes because you got a D in algebra"
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interpersonal hyperactivity
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when you always need to be with someone
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i can't be alone
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common couple violence
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when an argument escalates to the point where someone makes a threat of violence, throw or breaks something, or actually becomes violent. however, this is NOT something that is characteristic of the relationship
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we got in an argument i threw my phone at him.
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patriarchal terrorism
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involves violence used by males to exert control and show power over their female partner. Violence is characteristic of this relationship.
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abusive relationship
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validation
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not necessarily agreeing with the other person's point, but acknowledging it and trying to understand it.
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"i see your point..."
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explain how certainty can be a destructive pattern in a relationship?
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because if you feel like you know everything there is to know about everything, then you're constantly undermining the other person.
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know it all
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explain how provisionalism can be a destructive pattern in a relationship?
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being overly uncertain, not wanting to commit to anything. you never get closure, can't take a stand.
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"can't you choose the restraunt" for the millionth time a row.
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3 variables that make up interpersonal competence
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1. Control: the ability to achieve goals (goals based approach)
2. Adaptation: the ability to respond to your social environment and change your behaviors to fit the social environment. 3. Collaboration: the ability to engage in a sustained interaction with someone else. |
achieve goals
understand the environment connection |
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What are Knapp and Vangelisti (and researchers in general) so hesitant to prescribe solutions to relational communication patterns?
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Can’t give a prescriptive explanation b/c everyone and every relationship is so different, and there’s always an exception to the rule. Things don’t follow a neat path. Relationships are idiosyncratic and unique because of environmental, cultural, circumstantial differences.
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uniqueness
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What are Sillar's three situations where communication accuracy may be harmful to relationships?
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1. Irreconcilable differences: no matter how often you talk about it, some issues will not ever be solved. ex: religious differences, political differences, one person wants to have kids the other doesn’t- talking about it won’t bring you any closer to a resolution.
2. Benevolent misconceptions: when we are inaccurate but the inaccuracy helps the relationship. Ex) when Monica and Chandler got together in London and after they were married he found out that the night they hooked up Monica was really looking for Joey. 3. Blunt unpleasant truths: when you tell someone something that harms the relationship or hurts someone’s feelings. Ex) "you look fat in those pants" when you actually do look fat. |
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what four emotions were connected to relational revenge behaviors and how did Yoshimura (2007) expect them to be related? What did he find regarding emotional experiences and relational revenge?
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4 emotions:
-anger (revenge motivator) -sadness (a revenge motivator, or outcome) -fear/anxiety (a revenge outcome- you're afraid what will happen, if they'll find out, etc) -happiness (outcome- you derive some pleasure from revenge) |
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