Conf. Mgmt Final

Front 1

distinguishing relational transgressions from other types of problematic situations

Back 1

relational transgressions are extremely problematic situations in which core rules of a relationship are violated, leaving high emotional residues, which are lingering emotional responses to the memory of the transgression

Front 2

Core relationship rules

Back 2

our expectations about the way we should behave toward others as well as the way they should behave toward us.

Front 3

relational transgressions occur

Back 3

when the rules we take for granted as "sacred" are broken by someone important to us.

Front 4

relat. trans. that are hardest to forgive

Back 4

sexual infidelity and deception/lies.

Front 5

forgiveness

Back 5

a cognitive process that consists of letting go of feelings of revenge and desires to retaliate. one can forgive without forgetting

Front 6

reconciliation is

Back 6

a behavioral process in which we take actions to restore a relationship or create a new one following forgiveness. dont want to forget-might get abused or walked all over/on.

Front 7

steps one must take to forgive

Back 7

1) understand that forgiveness is a process
2) start by acknowledging how the other hurt you (reproach) 3) allow yourself to experience anger. 4)don't adhere to the "victim" stage 5) find people to support your forgiveness process 6) recognize that the other person may not treat you any differently than in the past. focus then, on your responsibility in the situ. and your responses to it. 7) see the other person as someone like yourself-human, having flaws, making mistakes. helps escape the victim/villain mentality 8) try to see yourself as a person like the other-capable of hurting people, doing something wrong, escape from position of superiority w/ respect to other 9)what have you learned from the situ.? how have your grown as a result of it. switch from a negative view to a positive view of the conflict.

Front 8

five steps for reconciliation loop/forgiveness

Back 8

1-sometimes the transgressor explains his/her offensive behavioral and offers an apology (optional) 2-when his occurs, the offended person either accepts or rejects the account of apology or decides on one's own that it is no longer in his/her best interest to harbor feelings of anger, resentment, and revenge (even in the absence of an explanation or apology) 3-the offended person actually lets go of any feelings of anger, resentment, and revenge. forgiveness is a process that starts with anger over a transg. and moves toward transforming the meaning of the event. 4-if reconciliation is desired, the offended person may comm. his/her forgiveness to the transgressor. sometimes ppl do not state their forgiveness but simply behave in ways that comm. it. 5-a prior relat. is re-established or converted into a diff. one

Front 9

emotional residues

Back 9

key factor in delaying our ability to forgive and making it impossible to reconcile in some cases.

Front 10

revengeful thinking

Back 10

and planning is cognitive, like unforgiveness and the opposite of forgiveness.

Front 11

revengeful acts

Back 11

are behaviors, the opposite of reconciliation.

Front 12

power

Back 12

is the ability to influence or control events. people have power over us to the extent that we depend on them.

Front 13

defensive behaviors

Back 13

evaluation (critical)
control (domination)
strategy
neutrality(uninterested in subordinate's problems)
superiority (pulling rank)
certainty (i know whats best for us)

Front 14

supportive behavior

Back 14

nonjudgmental description (opp. of evaluation)
problem orientation
spontaneity
empathy
equality
provisionalism(knowing all the facts first before you judge)

Front 15

imbalance of power

Back 15

as a conflict issue occurs when one person works to obtain and hold more power than the others and is threatening to the less powerful.

Front 16

trust

Back 16

is the belief that another is benevolent or honest toward a trusting individ., and that the other person's caring transcends any direct benefits the other receives as a result of caring.

Front 17

distrust

Back 17

is to have no confidence in or reliance on someone;suspicion;wariness.

Front 18

prisoner's dilemma

Back 18

an exercise or game that emphasizes the role of trust in conf. mgmt.

Front 19

defensive behavior differs from that of power imbalance

Back 19

defensiveness is due to feelings of insecurity, which may/may not occur when there is an imbalance of power.

Front 20

eustress

Back 20

a short term stress that encourages us to take more seriously and expend more energy on important activities. psyched up, pressure, tension, being on edge. feeling the need to do well

Front 21

distress

Back 21

arises when we don't feel control over the situation, or when the source of stress is unclear.

Front 22

hyperstress

Back 22

kind of stress frequently experienced by students.

Front 23

hypostress

Back 23

underload, happens when we're bored or unchallenged by our situations. after being on vacation for a while, i begin to feel edgy, like i want to go back to work. not busy.

Front 24

rationalization

Back 24

defend questionable behavior or our reactions to stress w/ reasons that simply aren't connected to the behavior-do not take stress out on others. contain. "i blew up at your b/c i was having a bad day"

Front 25

repression

Back 25

when we try not to think about our situation. hide painful thoughts so that we'll "forget" about an important (but stressful) event we were to attend. ex: "i wont think about that today, tomorrow"

Front 26

projection

Back 26

attribute that we are feeling to others rather than owning the feelings themselves. accuse others rather than admitting how you feel. diff. than reaction form.

Front 27

reaction formation

Back 27

ppl do opposite of their true feelings. ex-afraid they are homosex. rage that homo is wrong. (guy from american beauty)

Front 28

sublimation

Back 28

put their efforts toward something socially desirable in order to deal with other stress.

Front 29

displacement

Back 29

displaced conf. engage with a "safe" person rather than person actually involved in conf. "kick the dog"

Front 30

source of stress

Back 30

stessors- the activating events including, graduation, unexpected events, death of a loved one, need to make a decision, struggle w/ various roles we play and how much time and attention we should give each one (youre a student, child, friend, part time worker, romantic partner)

Front 31

ABC model

Back 31

a=activating events or stressor
b=our relevant beliefs or thoughts
c=consequences of effects and reaction to the stressor (internal and behavioral)