Communication Chapter 8

Front 1

Markers

Back 1

Signs of some sort that indicate the state of the relationship, objects or interactions

Front 2

Example of a Marker

Back 2

Engagement Ring, calling each other pet names, holdings hand, wearing matching clothes and wedding rings

Front 3

Relational Development

Back 3

Communication moves the relationship forward, we can identify the state that a relationship is at by observing the communication

Front 4

Turning Point

Back 4

Markers often signal these, a specific event or interaction that is associated with change in the relationship, often inspires discussion about where the relationship is at

Front 5

Example of a Turning Point

Back 5

First kiss, first time saying 'I love you', first fight, first trip together

Front 6

Initiating

Back 6

Going up - you notice the other, little direct interaction, attempts made to show interest, passive strategies for gaining information, keeping the relationship moving, must be mutual in order to be relational

Front 7

Experimenting

Back 7

Going up - interaction is routine, lots of standard questions (small talk), search for common ground, safe and superficial topics

Front 8

Intensifying

Back 8

Going up - more risky self disclosure, spend more time together, increased physical contact, increased number of shared activities
-this is where you may encroach on activities that are less superficial (religion and politics)

Front 9

Integrating

Back 9

Going up - the individuals take on an identity as a social unit, holidays and significant events spent together, routine and rituals are developed, personalized language (shared meanings/ idioms)

Front 10

Idioms

Back 10

Calling someone a pet name

Front 11

Bonding

Back 11

Top floor - partners turn to each other for confirmation and acceptance of self-concept, commitment to maintain relationship, public displays of the relationship (marriage)

Front 12

Relational De-escalation

Back 12

Women usually sense trouble before men do, specific verbal and nonverbal cues of de-escalation, decrease in touching proximity, eye contact, smiling, voice variation and interaction, couples come apart either through intertia or through the choice of one or both partners

Front 13

Pattern of De-escalating

Back 13

DCSAT

Front 14

Differentiating

Back 14

Going Down - become distinct, more reference to I and me than we and us, partners tend to define their lives more as individuals and less as a couple, language indicates a move away from the shared identity, some stress is felt int the relationship but people still care, doesn't require both people to participate

Front 15

Circumscribing

Back 15

Going down - communication decreases in quantity and quality, subtle hints of dissatisfaction grow evident, members may withdraw from arguing and do not discuss the declining state of the relationship, a shrinking of interest and commitment, still potentially willing to work on the relationship, cutting away thing/ the relationship itself

Front 16

Stagnating

Back 16

Going down - relationship loses its life, partners don't care, decreased physical contact, decreased communication, going through the motions but salvageable, moving into seperate bedrooms, moving out entirely, crisis may spark change, finding intimacy elsewhere could be the threat that leads to greater decline or could lead to an effort to repair the relationship, couples can stay in this state for the rest of their relationship without divorcing or having affairs

Front 17

Avoiding

Back 17

Going down - decreasing interactions, increasing physical, emotional, psychological distance, decreasing dependence on each other for confirmation of self concept, avoiding is the opposite of initiating, examples: leaving early, coming home late, screening calls, workoholic

Front 18

Terminating

Back 18

Bottom of the escalator - partners make an intentional decision to end the relationship, negotiation of division of possessions, redefinition of self as separate from the other person, we have to communicate the change to others (and ourselves)

Front 19

Why Do we Form Relationships

Back 19

Appearance, Similarity, Complementarity, Rewards, Competence, Proximity, Disclosure

Front 20

Appearance

Back 20

Influence of physical appearance in the early stages of the relationship is highly important

Front 21

Similarity

Back 21

Someone who likes the same things as you, does the things that you do, same race, economic class, or educational standing,

Front 22

Social Exchange Theory

Back 22

the practice of seeking out people who can give us rewards greater than the costs of dealing with them

Front 23

Comparison Level

Back 23

CL - a minimum standard of acceptable behaviour

Front 24

Comparison level of Alternatives

Back 24

CL2 - a comparison between rewards in the present situation and those one could expect to receive from others

Front 25

Proximity

Back 25

Likely to develop relationships with people who share the same spaces with us, coworkers, classmates, people in apartment building

Front 26

Dialectical Tensions in Relationships

Back 26

Conflicts that arise when two opposing or incompatible forces exist simultaneously