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23 Cards in this Set

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MARTHA..OH, Fern. What an imagination!



( Change to Zuckerman Barn )

EDITH.. Homer Zuckerman, I want to know where you plan to keep that pig.

LURVY.. ( offstage ) Sure thing, Mr.Zuckerman

EDITH.. Well, I just hope this pig's not going to be more trouble than it's worth.

HOMER.. Now, I couldn't turn down Fern, could I? She seemed so desperate. Anyway, she only asked six dollars for it. When the pig gets bug enough to kill and eat, he'll be worth a lot more than six dollars.

EDITH.. ( cleaning up ) Ugh. Dirt, spider webs.....

Cleaning up

FERN.. ( offstage ) Uncle Homer! Aunt Edith!

EDITH.. Here we are.

LURVY.. All finished, Mr.Zuckerman. Well, here's our new boarder.

EDITH.. Fern, honey, I just opened a big can of peaches. You come in and have a dish with us.

HOMER.. SUMMER, SUMMER, SUMMER,SUMMER

EDITH.. I'd say you're just being lazy, that's all.

LURVY.. A miracle.

EDITH.. I don't believe it. "Some Pig."

HOMER.. It is clear we have no ordinary pig.

EDITH.. It seems to me we have no ordinary spider.

AVERY... YOU SURE YOU DON'T WANT MY PHOTOGRAPH?

EDITH... Come on, everybody, let's go to the kitchen and celebrate with some fresh apple strudel and iced tea. Then we'll head for the fair!

HOMER.. What are you doing, Edith?

EDITH.. Giving the pig a buttermilk sponge bath-- so he'll look nice and clean for the judges.

HOMER.. It's great to be at the fair, isn't it? I'm nearly as excited as the kids. Let's go look at the new tractors, Edith.

EDITH.. Let me just dry him off. Look, he's asleep.

JOHN.. That's right. Well be leaving in a little while.

EDITH.. Yep, tomorrow's the big day.

MARTHA.. Don't fall off the rides!

EDITH.. Don't get lost!

JOHN.. Don't lose your money!

EDITH.. And don't cross the racetrack when the horses are coming!

HOMER.. Sure, Avery. They have watchmen to look after the animals after the people leave.

EDITH.. He'll be fine.

MARTHA.. My goodness! "Humble."

EDITH.. Another miracle!

HOMER.. Hold on, here. What's everybody crying about? Edith, give the pig his buttermilk bath.

EDITH.. But...he didn't win.

VOICE ON LOUDSPEAKER.. ( offstage) Attention, please! Attention, please! We would like to ask as many of you as can to assemble in the livestock are where we are about to present a special award.

EDITH.. Special award?

JOHN.. I'll help you, Lurvy.

EDITH.. Homer, does my hair look all right?

HOMER.. Looks fine.

EDITH.. You didn't even look at my hair.

MARTHA.. You're all right, Edith. Just keep calm.



( Lurvy enters with more straw )

EDITH.. Okay, Wilbur's finished. I'll put these things back in the truck.

ANNOUNCER.. Pleased to meet you..........Then came the word "terrific." And he is. Look at him..

EDITH.. It's the buttermilk.

JOHN.. Well, let's go.

EDITY.. We'll be back in a jiffy, Wilbur.