Chapter 9: Friendship And Love

Front 1

close relationships

Back 1

important, interdependent, long lasting
- can arouse positive or negative feelings

Front 2

attraction, 3 parts of it

Back 2

initial desire to form a relationship
- proximity, familiarity, physical attraction

Front 3

proximity

Back 3

geographic, residential, etc
- people near each others are more likely to get acquainted

Front 4

mere exposure effect

Back 4

an increase in positive feelings toward a novel stimulus (person) based on frequent experience

Front 5

order of values in males and females

Back 5

males= intelligence, good looks, humour
female= humour, intelligence, honesty

Front 6

4 categories of attractiveness

Back 6

1) neonate features (women)
2) mature features (men)
3) expressiveness
4) grooming

Front 7

expressive traits

Back 7

large smile (friendliness) high set eyebrows (interest and agreeableness)

Front 8

grooming qualities

Back 8

things people use to enhance their appearance
- cosmetics, hairstyle, clothing, accessories

Front 9

matching hypothesis

Back 9

people of similar levels of physical attractiveness gravitate toward each other
- you will pair up with someone in your "league"

Front 10

parental investment theory

Back 10

a species mating patterns depend on what each sex has to invest- in the way of time, energy, and survival risk- to produce and nurture offspring

Front 11

reciprocal liking

Back 11

liking those who show that they like you
- responding positively when others flatter you, do favours, etc
- self-fulfilling prophecy at work

Front 12

similarity

Back 12

birds of the same feather flock together more often than opposites attract
- both in friendships and relationships
people (1) sort for dissimilarity, avoid people dissimilar then (2) gravitate towards similar ones in the remaining group

Front 13

relationship maintenance

Back 13

actions and activities used to sustain the desired quality of a relationship
- can be spontaneous (calling) or planned (take a trip)

Front 14

minding

Back 14

active and ongoing process of continuous mutual self-disclosure and maintain relationship enhancing beliefs and attributions about one's partner
- associated with satisfying relationships

Front 15

interdependence (social) exchange theory

Back 15

interpersonal relationships are governed by perceptions of the rewards and of costs exchanged in interactions
rewards= emotional support, sexual gratification, status
costs= time and energy, emotional conflicts

Front 16

comparison level

Back 16

one's personal standard of what constitutes an acceptable balance of rewards and costs in the relationship
- influenced by exposure to fictional relationships

Front 17

investments

Back 17

things people contribute to a relationship that they can't get back if it ends

Front 18

friendships between genders

Back 18

same gender friendships= value intimacy
womens friendships= emotionally based
mens friendships= activity based

Front 19

friendships and gay/lesbians

Back 19

lesbians= start as friends and then have a sexual relationship
- gay and lesbians more likely to stay friends with an ex

Front 20

3 steps in friendship repair

Back 20

1) reproach- offended party acknowledges problems and asks offender for an explanation
2) remedy- offender offers to take responsibility and offering a justification, a concession, or an apology
3) acknowledgment- offended party acknowledges the remedy, the friendship progresses

Front 21

heterosexism

Back 21

the assumption that all individuals and relationships are heterosexual

Front 22

triangular theory of love

Back 22

all love experiences are made up of 3 components:
- intimacy
- passion
- commitment

Front 23

intimacy

Back 23

warmth, closeness, sharing, self-disclosure is essential

Front 24

passion

Back 24

intense feelings including sexual desire
- drives romance, physical attraction and sexual consummation
- need for nurturance, self-esteem, dominance, submission

Front 25

commitment

Back 25

decision and intent to maintain relationship in spite of all the difficulties and costs that may arise
- short-term= decision to love someone
- long-term= determination to make relationship endure

Front 26

romantic love as attachment theory

Back 26

romantic love= an attachment process with similarities in the bond between infants and caregivers
- fascination with other person
- distress at separation
- efforts to stay close and spend time together

Front 27

infant attachments

Back 27

secure= warm/responsive approach increases this
anxious-ambivalent= inconsistency increases this
avoidant= cold/rejecting increases this

Front 28

secure adults

Back 28

55%, trust others, find it easy to get close to them
- rarely worry about being abandoned by partner

Front 29

avoidant adults

Back 29

25%, fear and feel uncomfortable about getting close
- reluctant to trust, maintain emotional distance
- lowest incidence of positive relationship

Front 30

anxious-avoidant adults

Back 30

20%, obsessive and preoccupied with their relationship, want more closeness than partners
- extreme jealousy based on abandonment fears
- shortest duration of the 3 styles

Front 31

continuum of attachment theory

Back 31

attachment anxiety and attachment avoidance
high-high= avoidant-fearful
high-low= preoccupied
low-high= avoidant-dismissing
low-low= secure

Front 32

attachment anxiety

Back 32

how much a person worries that a partner will not be available when needed

Front 33

attachment avoidance

Back 33

degree of distrust in a partner's goodwill, has tendencies to maintain distance from the partner

Front 34

why does passion fade? (3)

Back 34

1) the fantasy picture of the partner is replaced by reality
2) novelty fades with increased interactions and knowledge
3) arousal decreases, which can't last forever

Front 35

5 factors contributing to break-ups

Back 35

1) premature commitment
2) ineffective communication and conflict management skills
3) becoming bored with the relationship
4) availability of a more attractive relationship
5) low levels of satisfaction

Front 36

6 steps to the break-up

Back 36

1) breakdown- someone becomes dissatisfied
2) intrapsychic- ruminating on the dissatisfaction
3) dyadic- discussing and negotiating the conflict
4) social- friends and family alerted of conflict
5) grave dressing- each partner develops separate account of the breakup for his/her social network
6) resurrection- prepare for new life

Front 37

loneliness

Back 37

when a person has fewer interpersonal relationships than desired or when these relationships are not as satisfying as desired

Front 38

emotional loneliness

Back 38

absence of an intimate attachment figure
for kids= adults
for adults= best friend or spouse

Front 39

social loneliness

Back 39

lack of friendship network

Front 40

transient loneliness

Back 40

brief and sporadic feelings of loneliness

Front 41

transitional loneliness

Back 41

occurs when people who had satisfying social relationships in the past experience a disruption in their social network
(death of a loved one, someone moving away, divorce)

Front 42

chronic loneliness

Back 42

people who have been unable to develop satisfactory interpersonal networks over the past years

Front 43

3 correlations of loneliness

Back 43

shyness, poor social skills, self-defeating attributional style

Front 44

shyness

Back 44

discomfort, inhibition , and excessive caution in interpersonal relations
- timid about expressing selves, embarrassed easily, self-conscious
- experience physiological symptoms of their anxiety

Front 45

self-defeating attributional style on loneliness

Back 45

lonely people engage in negative self talk- tell themselves that they are lonely because they are unlovable
- attributes loneliness to stable, internal causes

Front 46

chronic loneliness associated with...

Back 46

low self-esteem, hostility, depression, alcoholism, suicide, immune system deficits

Front 47

conquering loneliness (4)

Back 47

1) internet
2) resist temptation to withdraw from social situations
3) break out of the habit of the self-defeating attributional style
4) improve social skills