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36 Cards in this Set
- Front
- Back
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Gazer: Rinse and Set.
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With double cream.
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Thump and Gazer: Ugh! Ah!
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Not forgetting the cherry on top. All of which is a matter of opinion. What else can I expect at my age?
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Thump: Organization. That's what I'm lacking. I'll organize 'em.
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Gravy is most important.
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Gazer: Oh, indeed. Never back-brush too hard.
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Dark brown and smooth it should be.
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Gazer: There's no point in spending a small fortune on a permanent if you brush it all out again.
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Exactly. How can bumps get into the gravy? Criminal carelessness.
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Gazer: Not that I expect a permanent to be to permanent.
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No, indeed. There's no excuse for lumps.
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Gazer: This years fashion is next year's old hat. But I have such fine hair.
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Even in times of economic stress my gravy was exemplary.
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Gazer: Mine is like spun gossamer.
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Speaking as a consumer.
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Gazer: Bobby pins tomorrow.
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A gravy user.
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Gazer: With gossamer.
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Gravy.
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Mistress: Sweeties, sweeties, sweeties. Where are my sweeties?
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Surely it must be tea-time. Where are the muffins and crumpets? Where are the toasted tea-cakes? Where is the thin-cut bread and butter? Where is the tea?
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Twitter: Even the barometer goes up and down like clockwork. How can one trust in anything when everything is always changing? (Key in lock)
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Tea-cakes. Tea-cakes. Tea-cakes. Cream buns and puffpaste. Tea. Tea. Tea.
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Mistress: And I have something for my pet Guzzle. *hands macaroon*
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A macaroon? I was just thinking about a macaroon. I shall keep it always to remind me of you.
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Mistress: You made her feel at home almost at once.
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Why is it impossible to get old-fashioned tripe and onions?
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Thump: Wild? Wild? The magistrates aren't severe enough. Let off with a caution instead of a cat.
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Wild things are oppresively expensive. Rice. Strawberries. Because they are luxuries. Are they luxeries because they're expensive, or are they expensive because they're luxuries?
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Thump: Wild.
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Rice.
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Wild One: What about the rest? I'm trying to understand you. *Turns to me* You.
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Why are sucking-pigs suddenly out of fashion?
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Wild One: Why are what-what?
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There's no delicacy quite like a roast sucking pig. Some people object and say that it looks like a baby in the dish, but I've never seen a roast baby, so I wouldn't know. I've seen a roast-sucking pig. Ah! Love at first sight.
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Wild One: You did say...
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I hope no one roasts babies.
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Wild One: Just.. don't understand. I mean- you're not mechanical things that operate when the penny drops.
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I have a cookery book by my bedside. Then I'm sure to dream of food. Not the same cookery book every night, of course- even a dream banquet grows tedious without variety. Smoked salmon repeated often enough would become a bore. Imagine smoked salmon becoming a nightmare. That's a nightmare.
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Wild One: (long speech.) ... There's a way through. There's always a way through. Through or under or round. Where there's a door, there's a way out.
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*clear throat nervously* I always said that apple pie should be served with cinnamon.
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Wild One: You, or you.
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Cheese cake. It's such a long time since I tasted real cheese-cake.
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Twitting: I don't know. I really...
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(Long speech.)
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Wild One: I see. Then I'll go without you. You don't deserve a second thought. *leaves*
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Chocolate pudding with rum sauce.
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Wild One: I could weep for you. *Turns to me* There's nothing to fear out there.
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Don't talk to me about Irish Stew.
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Wild One: Nothing to hurt you.
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Welsh Rarebit.
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Wild One: I risked everything to come back for you.
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Scotch Broth neither.
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Wild One: If I'm caught, I'll be locked away again, and I can't live away from wild things.
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French mustard.
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Wild One: Come with me.
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Frankfurters and hamburgers.
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Wild One: Just to the other side of the door.... Just to sniff the unpolluted air. Taste the wild honey.
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Honey?
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Wild One: Out there the fruit drops into your hand from the tree.
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Fruit!
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Wild One: Apples, pears, plums and cherries. And green leaves fresh washed with dew.
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Greens!
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Wild One: The earth and its abundance is waiting for you..... *I scream*... What am I doing here? You're not worth saving.
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Too much. Too many. Too big. Too far.
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Gloom: Ours.
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Ours.
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Thump: Die.
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Die.
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Mistress: What have you done?
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White sauce covers a multitude of sins.
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