The Kit-Kat Katostrophe
Wafers… in milk chocolate. In rows. Break time. Anytime. Break time anytime. BREAK time ANYTIME. Some people don’t get this. Something in their cerebral cortex is wrong, and they do it all wrong. There comes a time when Kit-Kats must be eaten properly, in order to achieve world peace. Sure, we can stop fighting, and ISIS could stop breaking religious monuments, and we could actually like each other but that’s boring. What really matters is eating Kit-Kats properly. You must break the pieces apart before you eat them. Then, you can eat each separate wafer.Don’t bite into the Kit-Kat head first. Think about what you’re doing. Secretly inside, you’re making us all cry. If you just bite both pieces without breaking them …show more content…
Just biting them is like drinking bottled water without unscrewing the cap. IT’S JUST PLAIN STUPID, and impossible if I may mention also.. If you don’t eat it right one time. you will be forced to eat your least favorite food, while the entire population of New York City will eat your own favorite food. What if they don’t like your favorite food? They’ll eat it, because they understand the simple need to eat a Kit-Kat properly; which you apparently don't understand. EVEN IF THEY DON’T LIKE IT! It’s simple sociology! The second time you commit this horrible, horrible offense, every time you go Trick or Treating, you will receive dental floss instead of any candy; except for the occasional Whoppers candy, because those are just pitifully gross.They’re worse than eating Kit-Kats improperly. And that is saying something! Anyway, everyone pretty much throws them away, because candy places don’t sell those disgusting things, so the company tries to stuff them with the good candy- you know, M&M’s and Twix. As if that was actual chocolate.. It’s simple suddenness! IF you actually do this a third time because you are a bloody flippin rebel, then you get expelled from Earth and sent to that horrible place we call Mars; without Matt Damon in company. At least we’re not sending you to dry California. There is actually water on Mars. And no, we’re not sending you to the chocolate company. Sorry to burst your bubble. Do you understand why you need …show more content…
Whenever you take a bad bite, your ancestors roll in their graves! Your family talks bad about you behind your back. They say to your face, “Oh little lad, I loveth you! You shall do great things!” But alas, when old Aunt Linda comes over, and you aren’t there, they will say, “Oh old Aunt Linda, the little lad here is such a bad family member, he shall be shunned for eternity!” Then old Aunt Linda dies of heartbreak like Padme from Revenge of the Sith. But anyway, she WILL NOT have children named Luke and Leia, because she has kids named Ralph, Jesus, and Pepper! And your old Uncle Stan WILL NOT become Darth Vader, because he is in a nursing home SUFFERING FROM AMNESIA!! IT IS A DOMINO EFFECT!! DON’T EAT KIT KATS WRONG! Not for me, not for Obama, not for the world, BUT FOR YOUR OLD AUNT LINDA!! Old Aunt Linda, who smells like Mothballs and honey. A smell that when taken into your nostrils, you do not know whether to sing of joy or toss your
Wafers… in milk chocolate. In rows. Break time. Anytime. Break time anytime. BREAK time ANYTIME. Some people don’t get this. Something in their cerebral cortex is wrong, and they do it all wrong. There comes a time when Kit-Kats must be eaten properly, in order to achieve world peace. Sure, we can stop fighting, and ISIS could stop breaking religious monuments, and we could actually like each other but that’s boring. What really matters is eating Kit-Kats properly. You must break the pieces apart before you eat them. Then, you can eat each separate wafer.Don’t bite into the Kit-Kat head first. Think about what you’re doing. Secretly inside, you’re making us all cry. If you just bite both pieces without breaking them …show more content…
Just biting them is like drinking bottled water without unscrewing the cap. IT’S JUST PLAIN STUPID, and impossible if I may mention also.. If you don’t eat it right one time. you will be forced to eat your least favorite food, while the entire population of New York City will eat your own favorite food. What if they don’t like your favorite food? They’ll eat it, because they understand the simple need to eat a Kit-Kat properly; which you apparently don't understand. EVEN IF THEY DON’T LIKE IT! It’s simple sociology! The second time you commit this horrible, horrible offense, every time you go Trick or Treating, you will receive dental floss instead of any candy; except for the occasional Whoppers candy, because those are just pitifully gross.They’re worse than eating Kit-Kats improperly. And that is saying something! Anyway, everyone pretty much throws them away, because candy places don’t sell those disgusting things, so the company tries to stuff them with the good candy- you know, M&M’s and Twix. As if that was actual chocolate.. It’s simple suddenness! IF you actually do this a third time because you are a bloody flippin rebel, then you get expelled from Earth and sent to that horrible place we call Mars; without Matt Damon in company. At least we’re not sending you to dry California. There is actually water on Mars. And no, we’re not sending you to the chocolate company. Sorry to burst your bubble. Do you understand why you need …show more content…
Whenever you take a bad bite, your ancestors roll in their graves! Your family talks bad about you behind your back. They say to your face, “Oh little lad, I loveth you! You shall do great things!” But alas, when old Aunt Linda comes over, and you aren’t there, they will say, “Oh old Aunt Linda, the little lad here is such a bad family member, he shall be shunned for eternity!” Then old Aunt Linda dies of heartbreak like Padme from Revenge of the Sith. But anyway, she WILL NOT have children named Luke and Leia, because she has kids named Ralph, Jesus, and Pepper! And your old Uncle Stan WILL NOT become Darth Vader, because he is in a nursing home SUFFERING FROM AMNESIA!! IT IS A DOMINO EFFECT!! DON’T EAT KIT KATS WRONG! Not for me, not for Obama, not for the world, BUT FOR YOUR OLD AUNT LINDA!! Old Aunt Linda, who smells like Mothballs and honey. A smell that when taken into your nostrils, you do not know whether to sing of joy or toss your