Sex Lies And Conversation Analysis

The cultural differences of communication between men and women are often the stem of relationship problems, however they are often overlooked. In Deborah Tannen’s essay Sex, Lies, and Conversation she discusses common differences concerning communication between men and women. These differences are the mechanics of conversation, conversational habits, and expectations about how communication is in marriage between men and women. Based on my own observations and experiences, Tannen presents a valid theory regarding the cultural differences between men and women. Tannen discusses how the life long mechanics of conversation differ between men and women. She states, “I believe these systematic differences in childhood socialization make talk …show more content…
When boys talk about a problem they have, they usually tell the other to shrug it off. When girls converse about their issues, they enjoy getting in depth about the other’s problem and want to understand. This is shown in the context when, “Whereas women reassure each other by implying ‘You shouldn’t feel bad because I’ve had similar experiences,’ men do so by implying, ‘You shouldn’t feel bad because your problems aren’t so bad’” (120). Boys typically do not make eye contact when talking whereas girls are more prone to. This causes conflict when the man and women are trying to converse because the man may just sit silently as the women speaks. He is listening, but the woman does not believe so because he is not responding. This is because when girls talk to girls they usually make listener-noise. I noticed this when talking to my girlfriend; she would constantly maintain eye contact and remained lively in conversation. When compared to conversations with my male friends, where little to no noise or eye contact was made, differences in conversational habits become clear in everyday conversation. If my girlfriend is telling me a story, I usually just sit quiet and look around. When I do this, she feels as if I am not listening. When I do this with my male acquaintances they do not even question the fact that I am listen. When I tell a story or something to my girlfriend, she …show more content…
Their greatest fear is being pushed away. But men live in a hierarchical world, where talk maintains independence and status. They are on guard to protect themselves from being put down and push around” (120). This causes different expectations about how communication is in marriage between men and women. Men get blamed for not being emotionally intuitive and women for not being emphatic. The solution to this would be looking at conversation between men and women as cross-cultural communication. It would allow them to become understanding and solve problems more logically. “Once the problem is understood, improvement comes naturally, as did to the young woman and her boyfriend who seemed to go to sleep when she wanted to talk” (121). The young woman explained that there are differences in men’s and women’s way of alignment during conversation. The boyfriend became aware of these differences and the next time he was in an argument with his girlfriend he had changed his positioning during conversation. The girlfriend was dumbfounded that he had tried to change so they could communicate more efficiently. If both men and women were more aware of these differences, it could benefit many relationships. When in an argument with my significant other I would avoid the situation at hand by leaving the room. She would just talk and talk, while I would just sit in silence listening. After