How could he even suggest that? I could not even leave for a weekend to go to my mother’s house. Danny’s attitudes, complaining, impatience, rage and lies were breaking me down. I was not treated lovingly. If he actually spent money on a gift it was something that he wanted. He bought presents for me that he wanted for himself. Danny objectified me, his claims to love me were crude gestures of sexual impulse. My lack of interest was one more excuse for his tantrums. I wanted affection but he told me that I needed to explain “cuddling” to him. Aghast, I told him to get some relationship books from the library. Telling someone explicitly how to touch me, what to give me for gifts, what romantic gestures were killed any shred of “love.” Nothing would feel genuine if he could not be thoughtful of his own accord, if I had to script such …show more content…
My reiterations of rules for borrowing the car were followed by the appearance of several cigarette burns in my upholstery. Any confrontations about why he kept disregarding and damaging my vehicle were met with absurd stories. He had smoked outside at work but the car window was open and some smoke must have blown into the car. Eventually when I pointed out the cigarette ash that was on the inside edge of the car door, he admitted that he did occasionally smoke in the car but said with feigned regret that he would have my car seats reupholstered. Working as a dishwasher at a nearby restaurant, he could not possibly afford it. Monthly overdrafts of his bank account just to pay rent made this promise laughable, but I was not laughing.
I was crying inside. When we got our son back we had agreed that we did not want him to grow up in daycare, I would stay home with him. If we could not pay the bills he offered to get a second job. I was more than willing to work part- time first shift while Danny cared for our son in the morning then I would stay home in the evening while Danny worked second shift.
This taxing arrangement would leave little to no time for recreation, just enough for sleep but would keep all of the bills paid and our son at home with us, our top and supposedly mutual