Over the course of this semester, I feel I have advanced significantly as an actor. I’ve encountered multiple roadblocks along the way, but I feel I have taken these challenges in stride and persevered through them. Interestingly though, there was a discovery I made over the course of this class and its challenges. Every challenge I encountered in this class, were barriers that I constructed and put in my own way. Be it my own stubborn ignorance, my fear of genuine connection, or even my unwillingness to openly engage with emotions and experience them honestly. All of these difficulties were of my own design and I don’t feel that I have yet overcome any of them fully, but I do believe that I’ve made significant progress by confronting them head-on since the beginning of this course. First, I must admit that I came into this class at the beginning of the semester believing the work I was doing in it to be frivolous. I felt that we were going over material and techniques that complicated the acting process instead of nurturing it. I understood that acting took a lot and required relaxation and engagement, but I thought it was a waste of time to relearn how to listen. Yet, as the class continued on, I noticed that those who had had been willingly throwing themselves into the exercises were progressing much more as performs than myself, and overall seemed to be enjoying the class more. The more I noticed this trend, the more I realized what a daft novice I was how much time I was wasting by blowing off the course and the work I was doing in it. Once I had humbled myself and began to willingly throw myself into exercises, I started feeling better about the work I was putting out in the class. Yet at the same time, I began to realize something, acting is absolutely terrifying. From the beginning of this course, I had difficulty connecting with my classmates while participating in short scenes and open scenes. …show more content…
I believe this stems from my own aversion to complete eye contact. I have no problem looking someone in the eyes while I talk to them, but after a while it begins to feel unnatural and forced to me. Because of this, when having a conversation with someone, I will usually alternate between making eye contact with them and looking around at my environment. When working on scenes in class, I discovered how much it helped to look my scene partner in their eyes. Because of this, I began to actively ignore my own discomfort and would force myself to look my partner in the eyes. I would attribute the success Casey and I found in our final scene to the connection we helped forge through solid eye contact. In life, I regularly identify an emotion(s), but then will make an active decision to push that emotion(s) aside and to return to it at a later time to experience it. We all experience negative emotions like sadness, fear, shame, anger, etc, but we also identify that it is not socially acceptable to display these at certain times. At some point in my life, I think I began to just assume all negative emotions (especially those of perceived “weakness”) had to be compartmentalized and not expressed openly. I was never taught this or told this, I just figured it’s what everyone did. I still apologize on the rare occasions